Mommy Tips

How To Work From Home With Kids (11 tips For actually getting work done at home with a baby or toddler)

March 22, 2020 by Jenni Madsen Leave a Comment

The Best Tips For Working From Home With Baby

If you’re here, you might be asking yourself “how do you stay sane when working from home with children?”

Or:

“How do moms work from home anyway??”

I’ve been working from home for about a year and a half. It’s been… challenging. But also rewarding. And I finally feel like we’ve hit our groove!

Working from home with toddlers (or babies) is never going to be perfect. Some days will work out so well you think you should sell your secret!

Other days? You’ll do the exact same things you did on the perfect day and it just won’t work out.

That being said there are still some things you can do to make working at home with kids go somewhat smoothly, like going by a realistic schedule for WAHM’s!

Click the image to download your free printable WAHM schedule:

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

Have A REALISTIC Daily Schedule

It took me so long to learn this. Too long. Don’t make this mistake- if you are wanting to work from home, have a daily WAHM schedule. It should be very simple.

It helps to have time scheduled out specifically for your children so that when you tell them it’s for you to get some work done, they are much more able to accept that.

I also found that without one, I was wasting an insane amount of time thinking about what needed to get done but not doing it. Now, when we look at the time we know what we should be doing- whether that is eating, free play, clean up or quiet time.

Kids NEED structure. It’s so good for them! And if I tell them something is on the schedule, they are happy to do it! (usually…)

We change our schedule to what’s needed. Sometimes naps come earlier, sometimes we’re all grumpy as shit and the schedule gets tossed to the wind while we all sit on the couch and they watch cartoons while I type on my laptop.

Have Special Toys For When You’re Working

Keep a special basket of toys that only comes out when you’re doing work so that they’re ‘new’ and exciting!

You can tailor this to any age- with my 1.5 year old I would use simple toys that she can play with by herself or make a sensory bin. (Sensory bins can be SO simple- dump a bunch of pom poms or dried beans into a big container. Have your toddler scoop the pom poms with a big serving spoon into kids cups for a fun and simple motor activity!)

My 6 year old has special activity books (like these scratch and sketch art books).

Communicate

Make sure your children understand that you will be spending time with them but you will also be working. It’s important that they know and (try) to respect this. This is hard with very small kids but it’s still important to communicate what you can about it.

Someone I know mentioned that they wear a hat or a crown to signify that mom is working and to leave her alone if possible.

Hire A Babysitter Or Invest In A Small Amount Of Daycare

It took me so long to be okay with sending my kids to daycare 2 times a week for a few hours. I just didn’t think it was okay or that I’d failed being a SAHM for some reason.

Which is totally ridiculous.

Having a break from your kids and them having a break from you is good for everyone. It gives you more patience when you’ve had an uninterrupted break and time to miss them!

If you don’t want to actually bring them somewhere, hire someone to come play with them in your home while you work for an hour or two!

RELATED: Ways To Beat Mom Burn Out

Get Outside, Move Around and Eat Some Healthy Food

Make sure you’re all taking breaks, moving around and getting some fresh air. This can do wonders for everyone and really can help you work better as well.

Healthy, protein rich snacks can help everyone stay happy and satisfied.

RELATED: 12 Legit Jobs For SAHM’s

Screens Are Not The Devil Incarnate

My kids watch screens. Sometimes they are watching educational shows and sometimes it’s Paw Patrol or My Little Pony. They play educational games on the iPad. They draw or color on the iPad.

There are days where we hardly have a screen on and there are days where I wish I could tell you the screens were on for under 3 hours but they weren’t.

Sometimes I think about my grandma when I’m feeling guilty. She had 4 young kids, a dairy farm and relied on food from the garden.

I KNOW for a FACT that if she could have had her kids SAFELY watching a screen sometimes while she cooked, cleaned, milked cows and tended the garden- she WOULD HAVE.

Sometimes, you need to ask yourself if you’d rather spend the next hour battling 3 kids to be quiet, not fight and not hurt themselves or let them watch something.

Take Advantage Of Nap Times

Things are changing in our house. Instead of 2 kids sleeping at nap time, now I have one. I still utilize the time where she sleeps to have my other children doing something quietly so I can get some work done.

If your children still nap, use that time wisely!

Baby Wear

If you are still in the new baby phase, you might want to invest in a wrap.

I always used a fabric wrap like this one for when they are still tiny. This was always one of my favorite parts of having a newborn- being able to wrap them in a fabric wrap safe and snug and cuddling you but you still get your hands free to do other things if you need.

As they grow, I switch to a sturdier wrap that will last till toddlerhood. This wrap was by far our favorite sturdy wrap- it’s a super reasonable price, lasted through 2 kids and is still going strong!

Baby wearing is so good for your baby and allows you to have your hands free. I also found it helped them to sleep longer than just putting them down because they’re warm, cozy and listening to your heartbeat!

Enlist The Help Of Your Partner

If you’re working from home and your partner isn’t, you need to figure out times that you are ‘working’ while they have the kids.

My husband and I have started designating the hour after he gets home work time and usually on the weekends we figure out time blocks for that too!

Work In The Evening

I know some people may not want to do this for certain reasons but seriously- sometimes this is the ONLY time I get to work on things.

Being a SAHM means that your kids come first. Sometimes there are illnesses, accidents, tired kids or a shitload of housework. And sometimes that means that you don’t get a lot of work done during the day.

Bedtime is a GREAT time to get some stuff done! I started embracing that a long time ago and love it because if I ever feel frustrated that I’m not getting enough done I can console myself with the fact that at least I’ll have an hour or two in the evening.

Let Go Of Your Expectations

I know a lot of you reading this may be here because you’re wondering specifically how to work from home with kids while under quarantine or during a pandemic.

The very first thing you should do is look at your expectations like they’re balloons tied to strings that you have to carry around all day while you’re trying to do things.

Are you really going to hold on to them and do things one handed because you just can’t let them go?

Go outside and release your expectations into the sky and let them fly away.

Nothing is going according to plan right now. We’re all just trying to keep our heads above water.

Your kids do not need 6 hours of school a day. They do not need a rigid schedule that is not allowed to be broken. And you don’t need that either!

You need grace, love and whatever sense of humor you can muster.

More Stay At Home Mom Tips:

HOW TO WORK FROM HOME WITH KIDS

Working Out At Home (when you have small kids)

March 19, 2020 by Jenni Madsen Leave a Comment

HOW TO GET FIT AT HOME AS A BUSY MOM

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

Becoming a parent is a whole lotta different feels. It’s amazing, joyous, scary as hell, unpredictable and filled with so much love.

Your life completely changes and suddenly your time is very limited, especially when you have small children whose needs are extreme and immediate.

So, how on Earth do moms find the time to exercise? Sometimes it feels lucky if we get to pee alone for 2 minutes, let alone squeeze in a work out!

I have 3 kids under 5. I’m not telling you this to brag or one up you. It’s just a fact about my life. I’m also fairly active and have been since my first daughter was about 6 months old.

What I’m trying to say is, it’s POSSIBLE to exercise with small kids. Keep reading to find out how!

Mindset

The biggest thing you need to change in order to be able to successfully exercise with small kids is your mindset.

Sometimes, you will stop and start a workout 10 times and the possibility of not finishing is definitely there. So, stop defining those interrupted workouts as failures. Start defining them as successful, because even if you only finished 50% of your workout, that’s 50% more than nothing!

It’s also important to change your mindset about exercise in general. You don’t ‘have to’ work out. It shouldn’t be a ‘chore.’

Look at it like you ‘get to’ work out because you have a healthy strong body that CAN be physically active! And if it really does feel like a chore, find something that doesn’t. If you hate running, try strength training. Try kickboxing, dancing, rowing or HIIT. Find something that doesn’t feel like a chore!

*It’s important to note that starting something new always feels hard in the beginning. Once you do it a few times (whether that’s jogging with a stroller or Zumba classes) it’ll get easier and more enjoyable. So give whatever it is you’re interested in a good chance before saying you don’t like it!

Enlisting Help/Support

I’m hoping that you have some lovely friends and family around you that would be willing to help if you asked them. Don’t shy away from that!

Your health is not only important for you, it’s important for your kids too! You want to be able to run around with them and grow old. Hopefully this is something your partner/family/friends can understand.

Make It A Priority

Sometimes it can be too easy to shove physical activity to the bottom of your to-do list. I mean, there’s a million other things to be doing right?

Definitely.

But. That doesn’t mean it SHOULD get shoved to the bottom. Exercising can improve your mood, help you lose weight, sleep better, live longer, be fit and strong and increase your libido. Not to mention your self-confidence.

Shouldn’t exercising be at the top of our list if those are the benefits?

Get Your Kids Involved

By this I mean actually get your kids to try your workout- my kids love to try some of the zany moves I’m doing and get a better appreciation for how hard it is! Or, sometimes we throw on an episode of Cosmic Kids Yoga so that they can do that while I do my workout. Cosmic Kids Yoga is free on Youtube, you can check them out HERE.

This can also mean turning time with them into working out- kick a soccer ball around, have a dance party or try some calisthenics when you’re all at the park.

Workout At Home

One of the best things I discovered about staying in shape was that I didn’t have to go to a gym- I could do workouts in my living room or head out the door for a run.

One of my friends was getting into crazy good shape and when I asked- she told me it was from Beachbody!

When I first heard the term, I have to admit, I wasn’t impressed. Beachbody? It kind of sounded like something the teenagers were into.

But I was intrigued because there was no way I was getting to a gym 3 times a week with three small kids. So, I tried the free 14 day trial.

I was completely blown away. They have something for EVERYONE on there. From strength training, to yoga, to total body workouts using only your body weight. MMA style fight classes, dance classes- you name it. All from the comfort of your home!

There is a ton of stuff you can do for free at home to keep in shape. For myself, I need something extra that I can turn on and be motivated by. If I have to search a free video or try to figure out which area of my body to focus on- it probably won’t happen.

Finishing a round of something on Beachbody gives you a sense of accomplishment because you can track your results and there is no second guessing about what you’re doing that day.

Beachbody doesn’t have to be expensive. I’ve never tried Shakeology and if I need equipment, I buy it from Amazon or somewhere cheaper than their site. You can check out the free trial here.

Use Distractions For Your Kids

Some ideas are:

A basket of ‘special’ toys they only get to play with while you’re working out.
A play pen with special toys.
Turning on a movie or show.
Mess free coloring books that don’t require help or the chance of marker walls.
Educational games on a tablet.

Ditch The Guilt

It’s easy to forego exercising because of the guilt you feel over not spending the time with your kids. We feel guilt from ourselves and from society.

It does NOT have to be spending time with our kids OR exercising- it can and SHOULD be both!

By only spending time with our kids now and not exercising, we are going to be spending time later with health issues that will also keep us from our kids or grandkids.

INVEST in yourself, in your health, in your LIFE. You deserve it!!!! And so do your kids❤

Find And Understand Your “why”

The reasons listed below are some of my “whys”. I find that some days I need a different why to follow through with exercising. See if any resonate with you and then find your own!

Exercise makes you feel like you again

Becoming a mother is the hardest and most intense thing you’ll ever do. It will change you in a profound way. Exercising makes you feel GOOD and you get to reconnect with yourself while you’re doing it. It doesn’t have to be about losing weight and being skinny (although that’s sweet too.)

It’s about discovering your inner mental and outer physical strength that can carry you through some seriously hard times in parenting.

Not only in motherhood or parenting-

sometimes we don’t even realize how ‘bad’ we’re feeling because we’ve reached a new level of normal. Maybe for a while it bothers you that your clothes aren’t fitting great or you just feel sluggish. But after a while, we start to accept it and it doesn’t feel AS bad.

I’m not going to lie, it is hard as hell to get back into (or just into) a fitness routine. If you’ve been inactive for a while (your whole life, like I was??), you’ll be sore and may even wonder if it’s worth it.

IT IS WORTH IT!!!!!!!!

Get through the pain and come out on the glorious other side of feeling strong and healthy.

Create a new normal for yourself!

The Good Feelings Last Long After The Exercise Is Over

This one is kind of ‘well duh,’ I know THAT! We all know that! But it’s so easy to forget what that actually means for you, your body and mental health.

Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in the body, sometimes they even leave you feeling euphoric!

After I finish a workout or run or just go for a walk, I usually have way more patience for my children and feel like I can handle a lot more.

It’s also easier to make healthier choices because you just won’t feel like ruining the work you’ve put in.

Your Sex Life Will Improve

This is important to me and it should be for you too! After the birth of my 3rd baby, I really didn’t have much of a sex drive. I blamed it on hormones and having a baby. But my baby is 9 months old at the time of writing this and I started to feel like maybe this wasn’t normal.

After getting back into a regular exercise routine, my sex drive came back with a vengeance!

Part of it was losing a bit of weight and getting rid of the ‘fluffy’ feeling and part of it was just having increased energy and confidence.

*I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being ‘fluffy’ as long as you are truly HAPPY! Then, who cares?!

However, if you are NOT happy-

make a change!

Sex is such an important part of your relationship. It bridges you back together into the world of two adults being in love, not just two parents basically running a business during the day.

(Does anyone else feel like that’s all they’re doing sometimes? Delegating tasks, making food, cleaning or switching kids between the two of you?)

Playing with your kids isn’t hard anymore

I really start to notice not exercising when I have trouble keeping up with my kids at the playground. There’s moments where I feel so sad saying no, I can’t play tag or give you a million underducks on the swings and it’s because I’m already exhausted and we’ve only been here 5 minutes.

I love being able to say YES to all the things, run and play with them and role model a healthy momma who is happy and confident.

(You can, OF COURSE, be happy and confident if you are not in shape. Again, this is based on YOU and how YOU feel!)

There will be less injuries to worry about as you get older!

It’s easier to throw your back out, strain your neck or pull something. I was trying to show my daughter how to do cartwheels at the park and on the 3rd one, I heard an audible pop! It was my hamstring and I limped around for a while after.

Doing everyday things are harder (like carrying your baby or toddler around), carrying groceries into the house, getting in and out of the van to buckle and unbuckle kids.

Once you’re in shape, you kind of start taking the ease of these things for granted but try to stay appreciative!

It sounds crazy but strength training can reduce sports injuries by 68% and proprioception training can reduce all injuries by 45%!

RELATED: Proprioception Exercises

Makes you feel like a badass mutha’

Not gonna lie, this is pretty much my favorite reason for exercising as a mom.

NOTHING CAN TEAR YOU DOWN WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE A BEAUTY AND A BEAST.

There is something SO satisfying about relying on yourself and getting strong (mentally and physically). The feeling transfers over into all areas of your life. You start trusting yourself more and not letting the little things get you down.

EXERCISE BRINGS YOU FREEDOM

It brings you the freedom to:

Say yes to chasing your happy, gleeful kids around the park or backyard.
Shrug and say no big deal when there’s an out of order sign on the elevator and you need to walk up 4 flights of stairs carrying your 20lb toddler (I mean kind of shrug lol you might still be salty about that one)
Feel good about yourself, truly good about yourself because you know you’re worth the effort.
Spend time on YOU, not your kids, YOU and reconnect with yourself.
Change your mindset to knowing that ANYTHING is possible, if you want it, you can DO it.

I know you’re busy. I know you barely get time to pee without someone needing something or harassing you. Being a mom is some crazy ass shit.

I think it’s important to keep in mind that you should not be FINDING the time to exercise. You need to MAKE the time. Sometimes I am able to do a workout at home with all 3 kids by myself and other times I wait until my husband is home. Other times, it just doesn’t work out. I don’t beat myself up, I try again the next day.

But I DO make this a priority. What’s the point of being spiritually awakened if you feel like shit? What’s the point of being hella in shape if you’re angry or anxious all day?

How To Exercise When You Have Small Kids:

Change your mindset.
Enlist help/support.
Make it a priority.
Get your kids involved.
Use play time as exercise time- kicking around a soccer ball, running around at the park, etc.
Ditch the gym mentality- workout at home.
Distract your kids.
Ditch the guilt!
Find your WHY!

Have you already been exercising since beginning your motherhood journey or are you just starting out? Did this post help you learn how to exercise with small kids? Let me know in the comments so we can connect! Wishing you so much love, wherever you’re at in your journey my friend❤

HOW TO GET FIT AS A BUSY MOM

7 Reasons To Be A Stay At Home Mom (plus 7 reasons NOT to)

March 9, 2020 by Jenni Madsen Leave a Comment

I’m going to start this out by saying-

I don’t think every mom is cut out to be a stay at home mom.

Oy vey. Heavy, but true.

There are days where I question what I have done to myself (home with 3 kids under 6.)

I didn’t know what I was in for. Truly. Nothing could have prepared me for the insanity, the exhaustion, the boredom, the joy, the fullness of my heart, the intensity- of being a stay at home mom.

If you’re considering it, I think it’s worth really examining your WHY and your HOW.

Why do you want to be a stay at home mom? Search your soul and find a gleaming WHY, one that will be your star in the dark times.

How are you going to be a SAHM? Are you going down to one salary? Will you try to find a job where you can work from home? You need to figure out the logistics and talk it over with your significant other.

There are positives and negatives to being a SAHM but at the end of the day? The good outweighs the bad.

RELATED: How To Make $1500-$6000/month (with POD)

RELATED: 12 Legit Jobs For SAHM’s

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

Let’s dive in to the reasons to be a stay at home mom:

You Are The One Raising Your Kids- Not Some Other Person

This was a no-brainer for me (personally.) I just did not like the idea of someone else raising my kids for me 8 hours a day. Bedtime comes quick and if you’re working a 9-5, how long do you really get with your kids? Especially if you’re cooking dinner too!

This is not bashing working moms. I WAS a working mom. But luckily, my husband and I worked opposite hours so it was always one of us watching the kids and I felt more than okay with that.

RELATED: 17 Tips For Becoming A Calm Mom

reasons to be a stay at home mom/how to become a stay at home mom

You’re There For All Of Their Firsts

I would never want to make anyone feel bad for missing their child’s first anything. That isn’t the point of this post- to make anyone feel bad.

Some moms genuinely cannot afford to stay home or they don’t want to and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

But it is a question you need to ask yourself- are you okay with possibly missing their first steps? The first time they clap, or smile or say their first word?

If you answered ‘no’ then maybe you should bite the bullet and figure out how to be a stay home mom with your kids 🙂

RELATED: Ways To Beat Mom Burn Out

Managing Family and Work Is HARD

Working any job while raising kids is hard as hell. Whether it’s a traditional 9-5, evenings and weekends or sporadic part time work.

It all comes down to the same thing- you have another place to be, something else to worry about, another time to figure out childcare, etc.

I worked at a pub on and off for the first 4 years of having kids. So my husband would get home at 3:30 and I’d be out the door till midnight. We didn’t have to figure out child care but I didn’t get to see my husband.

It’s difficult to go to work and then come home… to work. Food still needs to be made, chores need to be done and don’t forget to spend quality time with your kids! There is not enough time in the day.

RELATED: How To Kick Ass (as a new mom of 3)

Childcare Is Expensive

Honest to God, how in the hell are some people affording full time childcare? Maybe if you’re making an incredible wage it might be worth it. But for more than one kid in daycare and a lower paying wage? How??

After you’ve paid for the day care and driven them back and forth all month, you might only be earning an extra 200$ (or whatever amount). Is that 200$ worth it or would it be easier to have them home and cut expenses elsewhere?

You’ll Never Have This Chance Again

Being a stay at home mom isn’t easy. It really, truly isn’t.

Neither is spending the rest of your life wondering if you should have stayed home with them while you had the chance.

Kids grow up SO fast. There will be other jobs, there will be time to do the things you want to do.

But your kids only grow up once and they become independent so heartbreakingly fast.

If you are at all considering being a stay at home mom, listen to your heart and understand that it will come to an end and you will have time to go back to work when they’re in school full time.

RELATED: 11 Things I QUIT Buying To SAVE Money

Being Home Means You Have Less To Be Stressed About

Yeah, you’re still stressed. Laundry, cleaning, keeping track of appointments, pick ups and drop offs, activities, cooking.

When you have a job, you get to go to work AND worry about all that stuff too. Fun!

(I am speaking from experience here- I worked in between all of my pregnancies and maternity leaves. It’s so stressful to leave a messy house and come home to a messy house after working for 8 hours and still need to clean and cook. So freaking hard. Working moms- I see you. You’re amazing.)

RELATED: Signs Of Bad Parenting (is it you?)

You’ll Never Regret Staying Home With Your Kids

As long as you decide that YOU are a priority too. It’s very easy to get swept away in the tidal wave of children but it is imperatively important that you prioritize time for yourself.

Maybe some moms do regret being a stay at home mom because they didn’t prioritize themselves.

Do NOT let that happen to you! Find hobbies, things you’re passionate about and make time for them. It will honestly help you keep your sanity when you’re neck deep in kids with no end in sight.

You can be a SAHM who runs marathons, makes money from home, keeps up with the latest fashions and wears a full face of make-up every day or takes online courses to sharpen your skills. It can look different for every mom- do what’s best for YOU and YOUR fam.

Also- being a SAHM doesn’t have to be forever! You can change your mind. You can go back to work if you find it’s not for you! Or you can find something part time just to get out of the house and socialize if you need to. Again, do what works for YOU.

RELATED: What To Do After You Yell At Your Kids

Reasons NOT To Be A Stay At Home Mom

You Might Go Crazy

You might end up going a bit nuts. Staying home all day with small kids is exhausting, repetitive, boring and sometimes frustrating.

So, make sure you have plans to break things up! Go OUT, even for a short walk. Have another mom friend where you can go to each other’s houses to let your kids run around while you talk.

I very recently (reluctantly) put my kids into daycare 2 times a week for 2-3 hours. I felt SO GUILTY.

But now? It’s MAGICAL. We ALL need a break from our kids sometimes and they need a break from you! That’s not a bad thing.

The YWCA offers childcare, you could hire someone to come into your house to play with your kids or you could find an inexpensive home daycare a couple of times a week.

Don’t feel guilty about needing time for yourself.

RELATED: How To Be A Calmer Parent

It’s Lonely

It can be very lonely if you aren’t proactive about getting yourselves out of the house. And honestly, it can be hard to make new friends when you have young kids.

I’d highly encourage you to look for other mom friends or childless friends that you can see once in a while. It’s important for your sanity.

And seriously, if you’re needing someone to talk to- EMAIL ME! Not kidding- I would love to chat with you about the craziness of kids

It’s Not About You Anymore

You just don’t come first anymore. That can be hard, when your needs are always dead last and you’re running on empty.

My advice would be to put yourself first sometimes and not feel guilty about. Make sure you have time to do things that make you happy and replenish your SOUL so that you are not pouring out of an empty cup.

RELATED: How To Work From Home With Kids (11 tips to be productive as a WAHM)

Going ANYWHERE Is Straight Up Insanity

Honestly, I found this to be true with 1 kid, 2 kids and now 3 kids. I think it’s because when you’re a new mom with 1, that is crazy to you! And then when you have 2 you’re a bit more practiced but it’s still nuts.

And now, finally, with 3? I KNOW how freakin crazy it is to go anywhere so I try not to LOL. We go to a gym drop in once a week , the library if we feel like it, and try to go out for walks around our yard or go to the park if it’s nice. That’s IT! My husband grabs groceries on his way home (thank you husband!!).

There Are No Breaks For SAHM’s

Until another adult walks in the door, you really don’t have a break. There is no coffee time, no hour off at lunch. Nap time, you might have some time but if you have multiple kids then you know the chance dwindles.

There is no paid sick leave. There is no paid vacation time. There is no ‘leaving it at work.’ You’re on 24/7/365.

My kids watch TV. Sometimes, it’s a lot. Sometimes, it’s not. I don’t feel guilty about it. I love that I have SOMETHING that will give all of us a much needed distraction sometimes.

RELATED: The Best Stay At Home Mom Schedule (with a free printable!)

Sometimes It Feels UNrewarding

Everyone talks about how rewarding it is to stay home with your kids and I agree-

To a point.

Everyday life with kids can be pretty monotonous. Sometimes you don’t reap the rewards of your hard work until months or years after something has been taught.

There is no bi-weekly monetary compensation. There is no boss watching you saying “Hey, you handled that melt down really well today. Thanks for all your hard work!”

Being A SAHM Isn’t All Sunshine And Rainbows

What you need to keep in mind is that life isn’t a damn highlight reel from social media. We are in a time where we think that everyone else has a family life that looks like an episode of Modern Family.

REAL life isn’t like that. There are moments of beauty, moments of pure joy, laughter and love. But those moments are not the majority of every day. I think sometimes we are forgetting that EVERYONE’S life is like that- parent or not.

Do you remember your pre kid days? Were you bouncing around loving everyone and never being grumpy?

No! No one is like that 100% of the time.

Let go of unrealistic expectations and you will be fine. You and your kids are learning together. They need to learn how to deal with negative emotions just as much as positive ones.

Say you’re sorry if you snap. Explain why you’re grumpy. And give them grace when THEY snap. Let them explain why THEY’RE grumpy. Make mistakes and learn together.

Are you choosing to be a stay at home mom? Why or why not? I’d love to hear your reasons, either way!

REASONS TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM

Signs Of Bad Parenting

March 7, 2020 by Jenni Madsen Leave a Comment

The first thing that should be gone over when discussing signs of bad parenting is the actual parenting styles. Many parents aren’t just one style but a mix of up to all 4 distinct styles.

What are the 4 parenting styles?

AUTHORITARIAN OR DISCIPLINARIAN

Strict discipline with little negotiation, punishment is common.
Communication is a one way street- from parent to child. Rules will not be explained.
Less nurturing.
Expectations are high with limited flexibility.

PERMISSIVE PARENTING

Permissive of Indulgent- Opposite of strict. They usually don’t have rules and let their kids figure things out on their own.
Communication is open but they let the children decide for themselves rather than giving direction.
Warm and nurturing.
Expectations are minimal or not set.

UNINVOLVED PARENTING

No particular discipline style is utilized. They mostly let the child do what they want.
Limited communication.
Offers little nurturing.
Few or no expectations of their children.

AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING

Disciplinary rules are clear and the reasons for them are explained.
Communication is frequent and appropriate to the child’s level of understanding.
Nurturing.
Expectations and goals are high but clearly stated. The child has input in the goals.

Sometimes when I read these, a wave of shame washes over me. I know at times I’m too Authoritarian. I know at times I’m too Permissive or Uninvolved.

I can see it but I think the most important thing for us, as parents, is to keep subjecting ourselves to this type of information so we can learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward!

Please don’t read this list and think “oh my god, I’m a bad parent!” My goal is for you to have your eyes opened in a positive way that leads you to better parenting skills.

Because you are here, reading this list, I already know you’re one hell of a good parent. Because it’s the ones who worry if they aren’t doing a good job that ARE doing a good job.

RELATED: 17 Tips For Becoming A Calm Mom

signs of bad parenting/bad parenting signs

1. Avoiding/Neglecting

Neglecting your child doesn’t just mean physically. It can mean emotionally and financially as well.

Do you pretty much leave your child to as they please, never worrying about what they’re doing or if they’re getting enough healthy food or watching too much TV?

2. Physical or Verbal Abuse

Do you hit your child, threaten to hit them or call them names? Or resort to crazy threats at the drop of a hat?

RELATED: Easy Ways To Be A Happier Mom

3. Setting a Bad Example

What examples are you setting for your kids? EVERYTHING you do has some sort of impact on them. Do you smoke cigarettes but expect them not to? Blow up in furious anger, throw things and scream but expect them not to?

It’s up to us as parents to set a good example for our kids. Sometimes I look at this as being so damn unfair. Not only do I have to keep them healthy, fed, ALIVE but I also have to step it up and model what I want them to be like? I’m exhausted and I just wanna be a grump!

Other times I look at this as a huge blessing. You mean, it’s up to ME to show my kids how to be kind, kick ass citizens? Like, shit yeah. I got this.

It’s not always easy to look at it as a blessing but I find that if you can spin it that way, it makes it a heck of a lot easier to model those good behaviours.

RELATED: Reasons To Be A SAHM (+ 7 reasons NOT to)

4. No Trust

Do you question everything your child does and always jump to the worst conclusion?

This doesn’t set them up to grow into confident human beings. It sets them up to always suspect the worst about THEMSELVES.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. Treat your children as if they are the kindest, wisest beings on the planet. And that’s what they will grow up to be.

RELATED: 21 Easy Toddler Activities (to give mom a break)

5. Too Much Pampering

We all know a parent like this. One who does EVERYTHING for their kids, even when those kids should have long since learned to get their own glass of water or get dressed by themselves. One who buys everything they possibly can for their child or gives in to every single demand.

This is not helping your child to learn their own way in the world. It actually kills self-confidence because they don’t have opportunities to be proud of themselves for doing something on their own. And getting every single thing you want your whole childhood sets you up to expect that as an adult.

And although we are in control of getting what we want, it’s a good life lesson to learn that some things you need to work hard for- and that’s okay.

6. Reprimanding Excessively

Do you reprimand your child multiple times for the same mistake? This is especially damaging if your child came forward and told the truth for a mistake they made.

I am totally guilty of doing this at times. You get really mad, reprimand and then bring it up again later. This isn’t helpful to your child.

Imagine if someone kept doing that to you. You messed up, got in trouble, said sorry but then they kept bringing it up throughout the day. It’s not helpful to anyone.

RELATED: Ways to beat mom burn out

7. Withholding Affection

When you don’t give your child hugs often or say ‘I love you,’ it can cause an emotional disconnect.

If you aren’t familiar with the 5 Languages of Love, I highly suggest reading this version that is specifically for kids love languages. It will open your eyes and help you gain an intensely deep understanding of what your child needs from you to thrive. And you might be surprised what that is! Everyone’s love language is different.

These are the 5 love languages:

Words of affirmation– using words to build your child up.
Gifts– a gift says that you were thinking about your child.
Acts of service– doing something for your child that you know they would like. (Like cleaning their room for them as a surprise, cooking their favorite meal.)
Quality time– giving your child your undivided attention.
Physical touch– hugs, a shoulder squeeze, a kiss.

8. Comparing Your Child

Do you compare your child to another sibling or other kids? Comparison NEVER works, all it will do is make your child feel awful. It will not motivate them to do better. Never compare your child! Every child is so different.

Comparison doesn’t work because it’s based on preconceived notions about your child. Maybe your child isn’t walking yet but their cousin who is the same age, is.

Because their cousin is walking, you think your child ‘should’ be walking. But why? Because of their age? Or because there was someone else to compare them to?

Every child learns differently, feels things differently, is motivated differently. Do your child a favor and embrace what they are rather than what you think they should be.

9. Having Expectations That Are Too High

Having expectations that are too high for your child can set them up for a lifetime of feeling like a failure. It’s important to HAVE expectations because that shows your child you care and respect them enough to expect them to do well in the world. But having expectations that they should only get into an Ivy League School or play sports only if they become the number one player on the team- really isn’t healthy, especially if they can’t make it.

***

Sometimes reading through signs of bad parenting makes me feel like a failure. I can see myself in certain situations where I know I’m not doing a great job.

But I think it’s SERIOUSLY important that our kids DON’T just see us being perfect and doing a great job. Because if they don’t see us losing our cool or not handling things well, they also don’t see us being human and apologizing for those not so great moments.

Those are great life lessons for your children- to see you hit your wall (because you are only human) and then apologize and own up to your shit. Because that’s how they will learn to do the same when they go out into the world.

Do you have any words of encouragement for other parents reading the comments? We’d love to hear from!

Are you looking for other positive parenting ideas?

Ways To Beat Mom Burn Out

February 8, 2020 by Jenni Madsen Leave a Comment

Mom burn out. We’ve all been there. The day you wake up and realize you really haven’t cared much about anything for the past week, you snap at your kids at the drop of a hat and you’re just waiting till bedtime so you can turn on Netflix and be brain dead for 30 minutes before one of the kids is up, yet again.

Yikes, I felt exhausted just writing that.

I think there are cycles to Motherhood. Sometimes they last days, weeks, months. Other times they last seconds or hours.

It’s okay to not feel super happy and amazing one hundred percent of the time. What’s important is recognizing when you are burnt out and trying to snap out of it.

You may be burnt out if:

You are snapping at your kids for every small thing, especially things that don’t really matter.
You’re exhausted to the point that waking up is a chore.
You wake up feeling heavy and hopeless before the day has even started.
You’ve stopped laughing, and everything is a big deal.

1. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANNA DO?

Not like, it would be nice to go see a movie.

I’m talking deep down in your soul, that something that makes you feel giddy and excited and kind of sort of crazy.

Go hiking in the Andes
Write a book
Run a marathon
START running!
Spend a week or two in Tokyo or Paris
Start a business
Sell everything you own and travel in an RV!

Maybe none of those things does it for you so try to find the something that makes you feel kind of nervous but still happy thinking about it. Like, it’s crazy, right? And if you told anyone they’d be like what?

Maybe it’s something you’ve had hiding deep down for years. Maybe it just hit you now! Whatever it is, WRITE IT DOWN, PHYSICALLY, ON PAPER.

Like this:

I want to_________________________________________________________________ because _______________________________!

Now, look at at it. And drink up those feelings it brings.

I think it’s really easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of having kids and use them as an excuse not to work toward something that lights up your soul.

Our kids do light up our souls, yes. But they also exhaust us on the deepest levels. And we need something to replenish us, for US.

Do one thing every day that brings you closer to whatever it is you want to do. If it’s traveling, skip eating out once a week and put the money in a savings account. If it’s writing a book, allot yourself just 10 minutes per day to sit down and WRITE.

Take the first steps toward your dream.

2. EXERCISE TO BEAT MOM BURN OUT

I know, it seems counter-intuitive to try to exercise when you’re tired and have no energy for anything. And that’s why starting to exercise is the hardest part. You have to convince your very tired and not motivated mind to get up and try to start DOING something.

Exercising release endorphins (everyone knows that, right?) but what does that really mean for YOU, momma, who is burnt out?

That endorphin release can actually leave you feeling euphoric. Which in turn can make dealing with your kids a hell of a lot easier.

I always noticed my patience was much better after a walk, a run, a small work out. Not only does it make you feel GOOD and like you can accomplish anything, it raises your patience back up and makes everything much easier to deal with.

3. MAKE BETTER FOOD CHOICES

Again, easy to say. NOT easy to do. Oh boy, do I know how hard it is.

The problem is that we get into cycles of eating something that makes us feel momentarily good or gives us an immediate (short) boost of energy.

So we start craving these things- bread, chips, chocolate, sugary drinks/sweets/snacks.

And then it’s hard to break the cycle of being exhausted/burnt out—>reaching for that momentary pick me up—>repeat.

Try reaching for something that is nutrient dense that you don’t have to feel guilty about. Something that will take away the feelings of fogginess and give you a clean, long burning energy.

Some examples would be:

Brazil nuts
Oats
Bananas
Lentils
Spinach
Hummus and veggies
Berries with coconut yogurt and granola

Have you heard of the Daily Dozen? It’s a free app created by Dr. M. Greger, the author of “How Not To Die.” The foods on the Daily Dozen are the healthiest foods you could possibly be eating everyday and this app helps you to keep track of what you’re getting! I’ve been using it on and off for about 2 years. Super motivating and helpful!

4. TURN OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE

Being constantly on our phones and flicking through social media, flicking through email, checking this, checking that-

is NOT helpful on a good day, let alone when you have succumbed to mom burn out.

Tap into how you feel when you are scrolling through social media or the news. You will notice that you are having physical reactions to what you’re seeing; anger, sadness, jealousy, anxiety, etc.

Because even though you are just looking at pictures on a screen, your mind cannot differentiate the distinction between that and NO IMMEDIATE DANGER.

Look around you.

What do you see?

Chances are that you’re safe. You’re reading this on a phone so you have money to pay for that. You have a roof over your head. Clean drinking water. Food in the fridge.

So, yes, some of the things that you’re looking at may be happening. But they are happening elsewhere in the world. Can you physically do anything to stop/help/change right now, at this very moment?

Probably not. And it’s not helpful to you or your kids to be in a constant state of worry/anxiety/jealousy because of these things that you have no control over.

5. STEP BACK AND REMEMBER

Remember that the days are long, but the years are short.

Remember the moment you saw that faint positive line on that pregnancy test, the one where your whole life changed.

Remember the day they were born, the day you started the journey of uncovering parts of yourself you never knew existed.

Remember that toothless smile. Remember all the teeth that came in!

Those first steps, that first word that had you gasping in awe and laughing with joy.

Remember the sleepless nights that felt like an eternity but really, it was only a few short months.

Remember the day they started to joke with you, to reason.

Step back, and try to remember that one day they won’t even be in your house, let alone your bed.

They’ll be spreading their wings and experiencing life, joy, heartbreak, sorrow.

And a hug from mom won’t protect them anymore.

Embrace the mom burn out because one day, there won’t be anything to cause it.

It’s hard. It’s so damn hard some days.

Step back and remember that they’re tiny, they need you and you are their rock. You can do it momma. You can absolutely do it.

***

Do you have any other methods you use to beat mom burn out when it sneaks up on you? Leave a comment for other moms to see too. ❤ Wishing you so much peace and love today.

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What To Do After You Yell At Your Kids

February 5, 2020 by Jenni Madsen Leave a Comment

I yell at my kids.

Sometimes, I yell too much in a day.

Other times, I have the patience of Mother Teresa and I don’t yell (too much.)

It’s always so painful to see the aftermath of a crazy yelling spree. It’s downright heartbreaking.

Sometimes, it feels good to yell. Because you’ve had it up to HERE and you’re just DONE. So when that righteous anger kicks in and you start to yell, my my, don’t it feel good for a split second.

But when that split second is over, the shame, guilt and sadness wash over you and take you down to wanting to curl up and cry.

So, what do you do after you yell at your kids?

You’ve already yelled. And you’ve faced the shell shocked looks on the faces of your kids.

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

Here’s what to do AFTER you yell at your kids:

Say You’re Sorry

Take a deep breath, calm down and then apologize. It doesn’t matter if your kids are 1 and 2 or 11 and 12. Teach them to apologize when they’ve made a mistake starting as soon as you can.

It’s these moments that teach integrity and show that you view them as tiny humans- not just kids who don’t need an explanation or an apology.

It also shows your children that YOU are human too and that everyone struggles with controlling their emotions at times. This is GOOD for them.

Explain Yourself

Always explain your reaction and thought pattern. Were you running on fumes and little sleep? Tell them that! Even if they seem too young to understand. Say it in a way that they CAN understand.

“Mommy was up a lot last night and didn’t get enough sleep.”

“Mom didn’t eat breakfast this morning and got a little bit grumpy.”

Reset

I’ve talked about this in some of my other posts, like this one. Having a reset is crucial for ALL of you to move on after you’ve lost it.

Our favorite way is to sit down in a circle on the floor (it’s important you get down to their level). Grab hands with each other. Now, go around the circle and each one of you says 1-3 things you love about each other.

Guys, usually by this point I am BAWLING. It’s extremely hard not to feel empathy and compassion when you are holding their tiny hands and looking into their innocent eyes.

Forgive Yourself

This might be the most important (aside from apologizing), simply because you’re the only one who can do it. Your kids will forgive and move on with their day because they live in the moment and that’s what kids do.

Us momma’s, we have a tendency to relive every horrible moment over and over and OVER again. Doing this, isn’t good for you. Because each time you do it, you’re also reliving the emotions that ran through your body. It’s almost like a drug.

Same with reliving being angry- you can rile yourself and get super mad again.

So, try not to do this. Actively tell yourself “I forgive myself.”

And when the memory keeps popping up, keep telling yourself that you’re forgiven and it’s time to move on.

Dwelling on it won’t make it better, I can promise you that. Move forward and try to do better.

Is It A Pattern?

This one can be hard to pin point because it’s hard to take a step back and analyze yourself and your days. And it’s hard to admit, perhaps, that you have a pattern involving anger.

I can tell you right now, I KNOW a pattern that never fails to make me SO FREAKING MAD.

It’s the mornings my daughter has school. She gets picked up by a bus. If we don’t get everything in order the night before, I can pretty much guarantee a blow up. This is because on top of the stress of getting her out the door, we are running around like maniacs looking for her folder, a book that’s due, a toy for show and tell, all while my anxiety creeps higher and higher.

Then there will be one small thing asked on top of all that and BAM- I’m done, I’m yelling.

So, I took note of this and now try to make sure that her backpack has her folder, book and toy packed the night before. Same with a lunch packed and an outfit chosen.

It really, truly helps.

What are the patterns in your house? What can you do to change them?

***

Parenting is straight up insanity. You’re constantly pushed to your limits and having your senses over stimulated. The requests and tasks are never ending and a break doesn’t really exist unless you make it happen.

I just want you to know that we’ve all done it. We’ve all yelled at our kids. It sucks. But it’s normal. It’s normal to lose our cool once in a while.

What’s important is how you handle it after and what you’re doing to prevent it from happening in the first place. We’re learning every single day. There’s no manual. You have to keep experiencing and trying different things before you get it ‘right.’

But who’s to say what’s wrong or right? It looks different for different families.

Try your best, treat your kids like kind and wise humans and give yourself some grace.

I hope you this gave you a good idea of what to do after you yell at your kids. If you have any words of advice or encouragement for other moms, please leave a comment!