1. DECIDE THAT YOUR CHILDREN COME FIRST- NO MATTER WHAT
This can be hard to do whether you work at home or not. It’s so easy to justify NOT putting them first when you look at the mountains of laundry or stacks of dishes covering the table. Or you have a million things to do for your job.
When you decide to put your children first and actively adhere to that decision, your day will be much calmer, I PROMISE YOU.
This means that no matter what you are doing, if they ask for something, just do it without a worry.
A snack, a glass of water, a butt wiped, even a story read. Just say, okay, be right there! And do it right then. Not in a few minutes, just a second honey, give me a sec.
One day they won’t need anything like that from you anymore. And it saves so much stress and frustration to just do it!
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2. STOP WORRYING THAT THERE IS NOT ENOUGH/TOO MUCH TIME IN THE DAY
You are the source of time. This is based on the theory of ‘Einstein Time.’ Whether you think you don’t have enough time or the day is too frickin long, you’re right.
Start changing the way you think and talk about time. When you take a breath and assure yourself you have plenty of time for yourself, your kids and anything you need to do- you will have the time.
Have you ever noticed the sensation when you start panicking because you don’t have enough time?
For me, my stress levels go through the roof. I start barking orders and telling the kids to hurry up. Even if we don’t have anywhere to be! It could just be that I need to make lunch.
What about the sensation of boredom or time going too slowly?
This tends to happen to me after lunch, in the period before my husband gets home from work. I feel tired and sluggish and keep wondering how on earth I can make it through the day because I need a break.
Visualize how you want your day to go before it even starts. It sounds weird but it really, truly works.
Imagine yourself reacting calmly to situations that arise, showering your kids in love and kindness and not raising your voice.
You may still end up getting angry but because you have seen yourself reacting in a good way, you are more likely to do just that.
This also works at night after you have already gone through your day. If you had a bad one and weren’t very kind at some points or yelled too often, replay the day in your head the way you WANTED it to go.
Chances are, you will be more likely to act like that the next day.
4. TAKE A BREATH BEFORE YOU REACT
Easier said than done, Lord do I know. Every single time I’ve ever managed to do this- it’s worked wonders. Take a breath before you go in to a situation guns a’blazin and this should be enough time to get under control.
Don’t go in accusing your kids right away-
enter all situations with questions and curiosity. I have gone and yelled and my kids before even bothering to find out what was wrong and most of those times, they were trying to help/clean/fix something.
5. ALWAYS TRY TO FIX THINGS IF YOUR REACTION IS LESS THAN CALM
It’s going to happen. Sometimes multiple times a day. You lose your cool and you yell.
Never, EVER just say fuck it and not try to fix things.
Your kids will learn so much by seeing you lose your cool and then admitting you were wrong and you messed up.
And in turn, they will be willing to do the same when it inevitably happens to them.
6. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO A HIGHLIGHT REEL
In our generation of social media, we have gotten used to seeing our friends and family and strangers highlights from their day/house/trips/etc.
So much that I think we are starting to think that our everyday lives should be kind of like a highlight reel. A beautiful clean home where you have magical times baking cookies with you and your kids staring lovingly into each other’s eyes.
Life isn’t like that. It’s messy, chaotic, emotional and sometimes hard to take.
Embrace that your life isn’t perfect, your reactions aren’t perfect, your kids aren’t perfect, YOU AREN’T PERFECT.
Embrace the shit out of that and stop worrying if everyday isn’t totally amazing.
7. START USING AFFIRMATIONS
Using affirmations throughout the day can completely change how you go about your days. Some affirmations you can try are:
- I am kind
- I am a good mother
- I love my children
- I am patient
- I am loving
- I love myself
8. START USING AFFORMATIONS
Okay, so most of us have heard of affirmations. What about afformations?
They turn around the questions we are always kind of saying to ourselves throughout the day.
So let’s say you have questions like this:
- Why do I get so grumpy all the time?
- Why do my kids fight all the time?
- How am I going to get through the day?
- Why do I always lose my shit?
- Why can’t I lose weight?
Now, turn them around into something positive:
- Why do I stay happy all the time?
- Why do my kids get along so well?
- How can I make this day even better?
- Why do I always keep my cool?
- Why do I lose weight so easily?
It’s gonna seem weird at first but what this is doing is tricking your brain into finding the answers to these questions. Your brain will go out of it’s way to find answers to these questions, whether they are good or bad.
So help your brain search for good things!
9. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE
Turning off your phone isn’t a penalty for you. It’s absolute FREEDOM.
You’re no longer at the beck and call of other people. You won’t have to go on a rollercoaster of emotions as you scroll through your social media feeds.
I have an alarm that goes off around the time I’m up for the day that just says ‘time to turn off your phone.’
I turn it off until lunch time or nap times.
You will be shocked at all the time you will magically seem to have when it’s not spent aimlessly on your phone.
It’s also easier to pay attention to your children.
Have you ever noticed you snap at your kids because of something you’re reading on your phone?
10. LET YOURSELF COME FIRST SOMETIMES
Because you can’t pour from an empty cup. Sometimes it’s necessary to put ourselves first in order to give the most we can to our children.
11. SAY YES MORE OFTEN
Have you ever caught yourself saying no (or shhhh) for what feels like the hundredth time for really no reason? It becomes a cycle that’s hard to break.
Try saying yes to as much as possible. Because, really, what’s the worst that could happen? You spend more time with your kids?
Seems silly right?
12. PICK UP BOOKS ON BETTERING YOURSELF
Who doesn’t love a great personal development book?
We all just want to be better versions of ourselves. Pick up a book that propels you fast and close to that version! This book was life changing- it taught me to take responsibility for everything in my life and gave me so much freedom.
13. GO TO BED EARLIER
This will make a huge difference in your day. When you go to bed earlier and get a good sleep, you will find it so much easier to be that calm momma.
There are a multitude of reasons to exercise even though you are crazy busy with kids:
- It brings on a rush of endorphins which can leave you feeling euphoric and way more chill with your kids.
- You get to reconnect with yourself and check in with your body.
- It increases libido which in turn can strengthen your relationship and make you happier.
- Reduces injuries.
15. USE THE HALT QUESTION ON YOURSELF
Lol. I kinda laughed as I wrote this. Because the first time I had ever heard of this was specifically for kids but all I could think of was my self!
It stands for HUNGRY-ANGRY-LONELY-TIRED.
So, ask yourself, are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If you got a bingo, address that issue immediately! And get your kids in on it.
Sometimes I tell them ‘I’m so sorry guys. Mommy forgot to eat and that’s why I wasn’t being very patient or kind. Can you forgive me while we all eat a fun snack together?’
They love it! It gives us time to reconnect and giggle after I maybe wasn’t on my best behaviour.
16. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND REMEMBER WHAT’S IMPORTANT
Sometimes it helps to become a calmer mom simply by remembering how fortunate you are. We all complain about our kids and go through some intense days but try to remember the mothers who don’t have kids yet but desperately want them. Or the ones who are mothers to unborn children. We are truly blessed to have our kids.
You live in a safe place, you have food and water and your children are loved.
We are truly blessed, every single day just to be able to wake up with our kids and enjoy our day with them.
17. WHEN IT’S ALL GONE TO SHIT, RESET
This is huge. My kids even know this term by heart now, if it’s said, they know.
And they love the opportunity to turn things around.
This is what we do:
- Gather in a circle and sit on the floor.
- Hold hands.
- Go around the circle and say two things we love about each person.
- Hug it out.
- Then you cry like a baby because you remember why you love your children so much.
Children have a hard time holding grudges. They live in the moment and love connecting with you. Try a reset and see how beautiful it is.