Postpartum

Coming home from the hospital with a baby the first time is kind of like a twisted joke.

You want ME to take this precious BABY and CARE for it when my hormones are all over the place and my downstairs HURTS like hell? hahahahahahahahah

But they’re serious.

You do it though and you learn about newborns and you learn about yourself. Grace momma. That’s what you need at this time. Be gentle, be easy on yourself.

And also, be prepared with practical items to help you heal physically after a vaginal delivery!

I distinctly remember NOT being prepared with baby number 1 and shit hitting the fan when we got home. Cue sending my husband to the store to buy insanely huge pads and nipple cream.

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

Here is the ultimate list of postpartum recovery essentials/pain relievers for a VBAC delivery:

Peri Bottle

This is something you will probably get at the hospital. It’s essential for helping you pee without crying after you give birth and for keeping things clean down there. They look like this:

All you do is fill it with warm water and squirt yourself while peeing to minimize the pain and to rinse it all after you’ve finished going to the bathroom. Really helpful if you had stitches!

After going through some products I came across a ‘fancier’ peri bottle. It has an attachment that takes away the need for awkward bending and reaching. If I had known about this, I would have bought it for my births!

Stool Softener

Don’t mess around here. Everything is bruised, stretched, possibly ripped. Just take a stool softener to make pooping not hell on Earth, mmkay?

Maxi Pads

I always buy two different kinds of maxi pads- the ones with the wings and the ones without. The ones without are specifically for the first few days to a week where you will still be wearing the disposable underwear and bleeding a fair amount.

The ones with the wings are for when you’re back to regular undies but still need good protection.

Peri Spray

Peri spray is a cooling spray for after you give birth. It brings such relief to your beat up lady parts. It’s meant to be used after peeing or bathing. Or anytime, really.

My favorite kind of peri spray is Earth Mama, simply because it doesn’t contain butane or artificial fragrance which I just personally didn’t want to be spraying on my hoohah. I usually buy this with the Earth Mama nipple butter– for the same reasons plus it smells like chocolate, is organic and safe for baby!

Disposable Underwear

These should be easy to grab from the hospital- seriously, LOAD UP ON THESE BABIES. If you want something a bit more comfy, grab some booty short panties that are cheap and you can throw out when you’re done with them.

DIY Padsicles

These are a total life saver. Because who wants to hold a friggin ice pack on their crotch? These fit in your panties easily and form to your body. And they’re cold but not TOO cold. Soothing, healing, necessary.

Made with witch hazel, lavender essential oil and aloe vera gel.

They’re super easy to make! Grab the recipe here.

Ibuprofen

I’m guessing you have some tylenol on hand. The hospital will send you home with some as well. It’s definitely needed. Everything just kind of aches after pushing a baby out!

Prenatal Vitamins

There is actually no formal recommendation as to how long you should keep taking your prenatal vitamins after giving birth. However, most doctors recommend that you keep taking them as long as you’re breastfeeding, simply because you are passing nutrients on to your baby and need to keep your stores up.

Hand Sanitizer

Every time I have a baby, my immune system goes to shit. It’s because you’re energy is depleted from birth, you’re not getting enough sleep and you’re caring for a newborn! It’s almost a given that you are more prone to picking up bugs extra easily.

So, hand sanitizer is a postpartum essential- for me and those coming in to my home. It doesn’t have to be weird- just a ‘hey, we’re trying to keep the cold and flu bugs at bay, here’s some hand sanitizer!’ 

No biggie.

Water Bottle

Staying hydrated after having a baby is key. Breastfeeding is a whole new way of life that you’re body will be getting used to and it takes a lot of water. Keep hydrated with a favorite water bottle you can carry around! My absolute, hands down favorite is a Contigo bottle with a spout. Spill proof and easy to drink out of while you’re nursing. Have you ever tried one of those bottles that you can put fruit or herbs in the middle to naturally flavor your water? They’re a lot of fun and make you excited to drink water! Some fruit/herb combos promote weight loss too.

Supplies For Postpartum Sitz Bath

A sitz bath is a warm, shallow bath using either healing herbs or just warm water to relieve pain or itching in the perineum.

It’s called a sitz bath because sitzen (a german word) means ‘to sit.’

All you need to do is sit in a few inches of nice, warm water (enough to cover your stuff) with some epsom salt and lavender essential oil. You can add other healing herbs but I would suggest having them in a tea ball or cheese cloth so they aren’t floating around in the tub with you.

Earth Mama has herbal sitz bath sachets available so there is no worries about the herbs floating around. They’re completely organic and all you do is pop one in the tub with you while you’re soaking.

Nipple Cream

This is essential. Every single time I have a baby, I think, this is it! This is the time I won’t have cracked nipples! Then the first 24 hours pass and crack they do. Sigh.

Can you tell I love Earth Mama? This nipple butter is organic and smells like chocolate. And it’s completely safe for your baby too, no need to rinse it off in between feeds!

If you’re in a bind and forget to grab some- coconut oil will do the trick.

T

Own Your “No’s”

This one is SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT.

You have gone through (probably) the most intense thing you will ever go through. Your body will be a freaking mess. Your hormones will be a freaking mess.

It’s OKAY to say no to people coming over. It’s OKAY to not let people hold your baby. It’s OKAY to tell people that their visiting hour is up and to (politely) get the f*ck out of your house.

There will be plenty of time for these things to happen. If you don’t want people over and you feel like you just can’t handle it, don’t. Say ‘no’ politely and don’t worry about feeling guilty.

Say “Yes” To Help

If you ARE having people over and they offer to help- accept it. Or, at least, try. It’s hard and feels weird, I know.

But try to let them do some dishes or sweep your floor. And then next time someone you know has a baby- go over, offer to help and actually help, even if they say no, it’s all right.

Patience, Grace and a Dash of “Fuck It.”

Patience for yourself, patience for your babyand husband.You’re all learning and it’s incredibly intense.

Grace for yourself, grace for your baby and your husband. There are sleepless nights and pain ahead. Work together, forgive each other and bask in your new family unit.

F*ck it- embrace that you’re in survival mode for a month or two and laugh at what you can, cry at what you can’t.

It’s a magical time having a newborn. The postpartum recovery is hard, yes, but it will end. And your baby will grow so quickly. They’ll never be that tiny again.

Try to soak up some beautiful time with them before it’s gone. Good luck to you on your incredible journey ❤

***

Are you having your first baby or this round 2 (or 3)? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to connect with you!

LOOKING FOR MORE POSTPARTUM OR NEWBORN ADVICE?

• What To Do If Your Baby Has Colic
• Breastfeeding Tips For New Moms
• DIY Padsicles (for postpartum relief)
• Baby Must Haves (for newborns)
• How To Have A Faster Labor
• Breastfeeding Essentials For New Moms

Newborn Must Haves

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

As a mom of 3, I wish I had known then what I know now-

You DO NOT need to spend a boatload of money and buy a million products. In fact, newborns are probably the easiest stage (in some sense) of all of them, and the least expensive!

There are a few absolute newborn must haves but you can get by on minimal stuff.

Breastfeeding

Nursing Pillow

This nursing pillow isn’t too expensive and has an adjustable strap to raise your baby to the right height! I only used a nursing pillow with my first and second babies. I found by the 3rd I just didn’t need one. But I LOVED having a nursing pillow like this one with my first baby when I wasn’t as confident.

You can get a free nursing pillow by using my code NEWMOMMA20 but these really aren’t as good quality.

Nursing Bra

I searched high and low for the perfect nursing bra. I made do with some hand me downs that weren’t even the right size and really didn’t have great support.

When I finally found this nursing bra, I couldn’t believe the difference!! It’s comfortable, supportive and doesn’t have any wire that digs in. The clasps are super easy to use. I recommend this nursing bra to every mom to be, it’s that awesome!

RELATED: Realistic Breastfeeding Tips

Nipple Cream

This really is a must. If you are a DIY’er, try this recipe– just make sure to leave out the tea tree oil!

If you are short on time but still want to DIY- mix a drop or two of lavender in some coconut oil and voila, nipple cream.

And finally, if you couldn’t care less about making your own stuff cause babies- this is the cream I’ve been buying since my first baby. It smells like chocolate and is completely organic!

RELATED: No Bullshit Breastfeeding Essentials For New Moms 

Formula Feeding

Bottles

This is a bit obvious for formula feeding. Decide on whether or not you want glass bottles. Some people are worried about using plastic vs glass but that’s up to you to decide! These bottles have over a thousand ratings for 4.5 stars on Amazon.

Nipples

Try grabbing a couple of different nipple sizes so you can see what flow works for your baby.

Dishwasher Basket

Dishwasher baskets are great for keeping things together and not getting lost in the dishwasher. You can buy a specialty one but the one in the dishwasher works just fine if it has a lid already!

Burp Cloths

Burp cloths are a must for feeding newborns, whether it’s breastfed or formula. Babies tend to spit up a lot.

The burp cloths we bought in the beginning with my first baby are still going strong 3 kids later- you’ll use them for everything!

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a product on Amazon with a full 5 stars- these muslin burp cloths are super absorbent and super soft and perfect for wiping up messes, spit up or even as a nursing cover!

Baby Sleep Items

White Noise Machine

This is not completely necessary but so helpful in the beginning and up until they are sleeping in their own bed. After you give birth to your baby, they are used to being inside you and hearing the muffled sounds of your heartbeat, voice and body. Having a background noise really helps them to stay sleeping, especially when you set them down! We’ve been using this noise machine for about 4 years and love it.

Bassinet

Using a bassinet is truly for newborns, it won’t last long. However, every time I have a baby, it’s one of the most used things simply because it’s nice to have somewhere safe to put them down and not worry about other kids, animals or rolls off the couch/bed!

This bassinet is portable and comes on a stand.

Crib

This is only if you decide not to co-sleep. Someone gave me a crib for my first baby and it ended up being a great place to store laundry!

If you’re curious about co-sleeping and it’s right for you, check out this article.

I’d really suggest you look for a crib second hand- they can be expensive and some people don’t end using their crib very long or only for one child. Shop around second hand or ask family members before you invest!

If you DO want to buy one new- this crib is super affordable!

Baby Diaper Items

The first question you need to ask yourself is if you want to cloth diaper or use disposables. We’ve done a mixture in our family, using cloth at home and disposables overnight and when we’re out!

That’s worked great for our family, but what makes sense for you? Are you going to be home with your baby or sending them to daycare? Do you want to be dealing with laundry all. the. time?

Cloth Diapers

To be honest, I loved cloth diapers when I had one baby. I enjoyed doing it and felt like it wasn’t really that hard. I still enjoyed it with two children. I cloth diapered my 3rd baby until she was 9 months and then I didn’t want to do it anymore. The days were so hectic- making time for that was something I decided to let go.

If you decide to cloth diaper, find a good price for a bundle- like these ones.

When I first started I bought these top of line diapers that were over 20$ a pop- yeah, not worth it. I found this website about halfway through my journey and just about fell over- they have prints from Disney to Star Wars to Unicorns and literally everything you can think of for less than $10 a diaper and the quality is awesome!

Make sure you find some good quality absorbent liners too.

Don’t bother getting all different sizes- buy a one size that’s adjustable from birth to toddler and if you need something smaller in the beginning, grab a pack of newborn disposable diapers for the first few weeks. The newborn stage is over FAST.

Disposable Diapers

Be careful when stockpiling diapers for a newborn baby- I usually grab 1-2 packs of newborn size and that is more than enough for that size! Babies grow extraordinarily quickly.

I found this awesome deal for you- Grab a diaper bundle from HelloBello for $16 off plus FREE shipping using the code SAVE16– there is an option to split the bundle into multiple sizes so you can grab newborn and size one 🙂

Setting Down/Carrying

Bouncer Chair

Buying this bouncer chair was almost the best money I ever spent and I only discovered it with my last baby! Being able to set your baby down safely while you shower, cook, grab something quickly, run downstairs for something- whatever!

This chair is such a great thing to have from 0-6 months. Worth every penny, and they do not have to be fancy or expensive.

Baby Wrap

I LOVE putting my babies in a wrap!

The reason is because having your hands free while your baby is safe and content is priceless. It’s also very helpful to help soothe a fussy or colicky baby.

Start with a fabric wrap for when your baby is small and then you can switch to a more sturdy one when they’ve grown a bit. These fabric wraps are perfect for newborns.

We’ve used and loved this sturdy wrap for all 3 of our kids and it’s held up great!

RELATED: What To Do If Your Baby Has Colic

In the beginning newborn stage, throwing them in a cloth wrap keeps them snuggled up tightly (like they are used to in utero) and right next to your heartbeat can help with colic and sleep confusion.

Once they start getting a bit heavier, we switch to a more heavy duty wrap. So far this has been our favorite sturdy wrap because it’s forward, rear and side facing and machine washable. And it’s lasted through 2 kids from baby- toddler and still going strong!

Baby Clothing

The only thing I ever dressed my babies in from pretty much 0-6 months were sleepers. If you want to go all out and have cute little outfits- go for it!

I learned pretty quickly that the only things I cared about were if my baby was comfortable and I could change them easily. If it’s cold- grab full sleepers.

If it’s hot, grab legless and sleeveless like these ones.

Obviously, there is a bit more to clothing. It’s really your personal preference! 3 babies later, I’ve learned to simplify everything to do with babies, including clothing.

Also, if you are having a baby shower because it’s your first, don’t go buying too much clothing. You will get LOTS of clothing!

Related: Signs That Labor Is Only Days Away

Baby Travel Items

Car Seat

If you have a car, you must have a carseat! Check with family members to see if someone has one to pass down or ask family and friends to pool money to get you one. People love to give gifts, never be afraid to tell them what you actually need!

If you need to buy your own, I really don’t think one of those 400$ carseats is necessary. This one is mid-priced and has a 68 for a safety rating.

This car seat is inexpensive but has a ‘very good overall’ rating from consumer reports.

Stroller

I tried two types of strollers- a city stroller and a jogger. The jogger was hands down my favorite, not only because of going for runs, but because it was way more sturdy and went up and down curbs a lot easier. It also holds up better for when they’re older and heavier too. This jogger stroller is the one we’ve been using since my daughter was born 5 years ago, sometimes I even had my two older kids in it together!

RELATED: The Best 8 Strollers UNDER $100

BONUS

A Nasal Aspirator

Nasal aspirators are life-saving- for your baby and your sanity/anxiety levels.

With my first baby, she was extremely congested from being in the birth canal so long. When we brought her home we were up at night trying desperately to help her breathe, sometimes by holding her pointed toward the ground and tapping her back to try to loosen it and get it out.

Had I known about a nasal aspirator, I would have bought one. Let me repeat this- LIFE-SAVING.

All you do is put a tube in their nose, suck and the snot will come out into a separate chamber, nowhere near your mouth.

This is the one I’ve been using for newborns up to toddler when they have a cold and can’t breathe, especially at night or during feeding.

Baby Things To Buy Before Birth

This list of baby must haves is the basics of what you need to get by with a newborn! You could probably pare this down even further if you wanted. Having a baby doesn’t mean you need to go into debt or buy every single gadget out there, newborns are definitely the least expensive part of having children.

Get what you need, research so you’re not getting things you don’t. Assess the needs of you and your family and you will be fine! You can always get something after the baby is home, that’s something that took a long time for me to learn.

Do you have any other baby essentials you’d add to the list?

More Helpful Baby Articles:

• Woodland Nursery Decor You Can’t Miss!
• Why You SHOULD Have That 3rd Baby
• How To Lose Weight While Breastfeeding (without losing your supply)
• How To Increase Milk Supply- FAST
• Printable SAHM Schedule- that’s realistic

NEWBORN BABY ESSENTIALS

Surprising Things No One Talks About Postpartum

This post contains affiliate links. You can find my full disclosure at the bottom of the page.

No one told me anything even remotely close to what I experienced postpartum. It’s just not talked about. At least, not in a truthful way.

We tend to gloss everything over and kind of laughingly mention some of the intense parts but never is it truly discussed in depth.

I almost feel like there should be a whole CLASS on postpartum recovery simply to prepare you and VALIDATE you- like, YES, what you’re going through? It’s NORMAL.

This post isn’t meant to be a negative thing. It’s meant to be truthful, honest and REAL so that when you get to the postpartum phase of your motherhood journey you aren’t completely shocked.

*Please read to the bottom to read a POSITIVE postpartum experience as well.

Don’t miss these new mom and baby FREEBIES ❤

(use the code NEWMOMMA20 to grab any of the following for free)

• Nursing Pillow
• 10 Reusable Breast Pads
• Nursing Cover

EVERYTHING HURTS

I don’t know your whole birth story. Perhaps you labored for 36 hours and ended up with an emergency C-section (I’m so sorry if you did) or maybe you had a short birth with short pushing and no stitches (which is wonderful!).

Yes, some things are harder to recover from. But even if you had a relatively easy birth- you pushed a baby out of your vagina (or had one taken out via incision.)

That’s intense. Everything will hurt because your body tenses up during contractions, you’re exhausted and your vagina stretched to a watermelon size. It hurts no matter what and it’s NORMAL.

I actually genuinely thought that the pain wouldn’t be that bad after having a baby- don’t ask me why.

EVERYTHING LEAKS

Your downstairs, your boobs, your eyes. Seriously– everything leaks for the next few months after giving birth.

Your downstairs leaks because – hey o!- you pushed a baby outta there! You will leak blood, possibly pee and you might have some crazy discharge. Normal!

Make sure you grab some of those giant disposable underwear from the hospital or some cheap panties in a larger size that you can just chuck when you’re done with them. Use those giant maternity pads to catch stuff and don’t be ashamed– it happens to every woman that has a baby.

Make some DIY Padsicles for some MAJOR relief after delivery!

Your boobs leak because your milk comes in and if it’s your first baby your body will be getting used to that. Find yourself a REALLY GOOD nursing bra- good not as in most expensive but comfortable and easy to use. I recommend this nursing bra to every new momma- it’s truly amazing!

Grab some breast pads to catch the leaking milk. You can grab a set of 10 reusable ones for free from here using the code NEWMOMMA20.

I always liked disposable pads more because they were easier to deal with and seemed to hold more milk than reusable.

You eyes will leak because birthing a baby, suddenly not being pregnant and taking care of a newborn really throws your hormones out of whack- who knew?

BREASTFEEDING IS HARD AS HELL

You’d think that your natural instincts would take over and breastfeeding would be a breeze- it’s not. There is a HUGE learning curve- and that’s okay as long as you’re prepared for it!

RELATED: No BS Breastfeeding Essentials

Coming home from the hospital with my first baby was incredibly scary. I thought things were going okay until my milk actually came in. My boobs got so big. I didn’t know about proper feeding positions and I actually ended up needing an emergency chiropractic appointment because my neck/shoulder hurt so badly.

Using a nursing pillow makes ALL the difference in protecting your neck/back/shoulders.

You can use the code NEWMOMMA20 to grab a free nursing pillow from here but I have to be honest- they just aren’t as good quality as this one.

You would be wise to invest in a breastfeeding course-

Milkology is a breastfeeding course taught by a lactation consultant and mom of 3- she goes over everything from breastfeeding positions to how to make more milk and touches on the biggest mistake that breastfeeding moms make. The Milkology course is only 90 minutes so it’s totally doable!

IT’S NORMAL TO HAVE A HARD TIME SITTING….OR STANDING

Confession time- I went back to the hospital a week after the birth of my first baby because I legitimately had no clue that my vagina would hurt so bad.

I had 2nd degree tearing, stitches and it HURT like HELL to even sit down on the toilet and try to pee.

I had no idea that hurting like that after giving birth is totally normal!

When I saw a doctor at the hospital they (very kindly) explained that I really didn’t need to be there… It was a bit embarrassing.

This spray is magical– it’s a natural cooling spray that helps soothe your inflamed parts with no icky ingredients. Use it after you go to the bathroom… or anytime you need it!

Although I didn’t personally get hemorrhoids- lots of women do, unfortunately. This cream has the highest rating I could find on Amazon.

You’ll Still Have Contractions

This is surprising, You’d think labor would end and so would contractions- wrong! These are called after pains or cramps and they usually last about 3 days. They can be especially bad during a feed.

The reason you feel them is because your uterus is shrinking back down to normal.

BRINGING YOUR BABY HOME IS SO SCARY

For real… when they’re in your tummy, they’re safe and you can protect them without thinking about it (too much…). But out, in the real world? Oh my god.

It’s terrifying.

I spent the first few weeks in an absolute stupor of exhaustion. I couldn’t sleep because I was TERRIFIED of my baby not being able to breathe or choking (on what? I don’t know!)

Which Feelings Are Normal- And Which Aren’t?

I think it’s important to distinguish what are NORMAL postpartum feelings (called the baby blues) and what may actually be postpartum depression.

You are going to go for an emotional ride after you have a baby- that’s a given. You are going to cry at some point- probably multiple times.

Baby blues:

• Mood swings
• Anxiety
• Sadness
• Irritibilty
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Crying
• Reduced concentration
• Trouble sleeping

Postpartum depression:

• Depressed mood or severe mood swings
• Excessive crying
• Difficulty bonding with your baby
• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual
• Inability to sleep or sleeping too much
• Overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy
• Reduced interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
• Intense irritability and anger
• Fear that you’re not a good mother
• Hopelessness
• Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or inadequacy
• Diminished ability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions
• Restlessness
• Severe anxiety and panic attacks
• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

YOU WILL NOT “BOUNCE BACK” Immediately After Giving Birth

Make sure you pack maternity clothes in your hospital bag. Even though your belly will be smaller, it won’t be small enough to fit into pre pregnancy clothes.

I really thought losing weight and ‘bouncing back’ would happen within a few weeks after giving birth… yeah, no. It took 9 months to grow your baby and put on that weight- give yourself a 9 month grace period.

You can still eat healthy/exercise but be gentle with yourself and be patient.

IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO

Oh, I wish I’d known that I could say no. It’s YOUR baby, it’s YOUR body, it’s YOUR postpartum recovery time.

If you don’t want visitors for 2 weeks- DON’T HAVE VISITORS.

You are allowed to say no. And you are DEFINITELY allowed to say no to visitors in the hospital. They can wait. They’ll be fine.

I was a complete mess after my first baby and I allowed a constant stream of visitors.

I cooked, I cleaned and I entertained guests even though I could barely stand and sometimes having guests meant having my baby woken up or missing a chance to *try* and sleep.

IT’S OKAY TO SAY YES

When you do have visitors and they offer to do something for you- say yes. I know that’s easier said than done- I DIDN’T say yes to offers of help and I wish I would have.

It’s helpful to make a list of things people can do if they offer to help- just be like yep, sure! Do something on this list:

• Load the dishwasher.
• Sweep the kitchen.
• Heat up a meal.
• Etc.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ALL THE THINGS

You don’t have to entertain, you don’t have to go grocery shopping with a newborn, you don’t have to lose the weight, you don’t have to start exercising at 6 weeks postpartum (unless you want to!)

When you have a baby, healing and taking care of your baby is enough. MORE than enough.

And truly, it goes by incredibly fast. Be protective of the time you have with your tiny newborn baby- it will be over so quickly.

You Might Have A Really Positive Experience

Confused? Let me explain:

This post is mainly about my first postpartum experience. I want to share something with you that might give you some hope for subsequent babies.

With my second baby, the labor was quick (less than 6 hours) and the recovery was so good that I didn’t even want to tell people about it… I went for a run (slowly) at 7 days PP. That’s crazy! But I sincerely felt so good!

I still had a hard time with other things (like my son having colic) but the physical recovery wasn’t NEARLY as bad as with my first baby.

The same can be said for my third baby (less than 4 hour labor, no epidural). Super fast recovery!

There’s hope for not horrible experiences too!

The Postpartum Time Is No Joke

I really, TRULY hope that this helps you prepare in some way for when you are recovering postpartum.

Please feel free to connect with me in the comments if you have any questions or other tips you’d add for new mommas!

MORE LABOR/BIRTH AND POSTPARTUM TIPS:

• Epidurals- Should You Get One?
• 5 Ways To Induce Labor
• 5 Tips For New Dads (after baby is born)
• Realistic Hospital Bag Checklist

This is a guest post by Cameryn Vonbargen from Multitasking Motherhood. Here she shares her top tips for new dads after baby is born.

Having a baby is one of the most magical experiences a couple will encounter in their lifetime. There is a long list of things new parents must do to prepare for baby before delivery. They can become so busy that they forget to prepare for what life will be like after baby!

It is no surprise that new mothers will shoulder much of the responsibility in caring for baby after they arrive. What does that leave dad to do?

New dads can become jealous of the bond mom and baby develop quickly. Mom has already had months and months to bond with baby by growing him or her during pregnancy! Dad doesn’t have that opportunity to truly connect with baby before delivery.

Dads can also become lost in their new role and the unknown of where they belong in the family now.

It had always been just the two of you.

Now, mom only has time for baby.

Many people think of the postpartum time as being the hardest on mom. While it is no lie that it can be an isolating time for mom, it can be just as much so for dad!

We spend so much time focusing on new moms that we forget we also need to give postpartum tips for new dads!

When new parents don’t realize this, it can take a toll on their marriage! The needs of both mom and dad are pushed to the side because all efforts are placed on caring for the needs of baby.

It can be difficult to remain friends with your spouse in this time and enjoy your journey through parenthood together. Nothing will completely prepare a new parent for life with a newborn. However, there are things both parents can do to not only get through the first year with baby, but to thrive during it!

So, here are 10 tips to help new dads transition into parenthood and keep their marriage strong after baby!

Bottle Feed Baby

Whether you have decided to provide baby with breast milk or formula, dad can still have an active role in feeding baby! If mom finds that she is burnt out or exhausted from caring for baby, prepare a bottle with formula or pumped breast milk and give her a break.

Allowing mom a break will be huge for her! Learning how to be a mom is tiring. She is most likely living her life in 2-3 hour increments before having to feed baby again! This doesn’t even account for the numerous other activities she finds herself doing a day to care for this little one.

Any and all needs that mom has, are out the window.

By helping mom out, you both will enjoy parenting more. Plus, you will get quality time with baby!

By doing this for mom, you are showing her that you care about her and recognize how hard she is working to be the best mom she can be.

RELATED: Breastfeeding Essentials For First Time Moms

Participate In Bath Time

Like above, participating in bath time with baby helps mom out tremendously! It allows her a little bit of time to take a much-deserved break.

My husband typically gets home from work and goes straight to the bathroom to give our son his bath. This gives me enough time to sit down, relax, and eat some dinner before putting baby to bed!

It is one of the only meals that I get to eat by myself. While I love my son dearly, I enjoy every moment of it and I’m highly appreciative that my husband takes this time to help.

RELATED: Why You Shouldn’t Be A SAHM

Adjust Any Expectations

You simply can’t have any expectations about how things will be when baby arrives.

Every parent dreams of the day that they will have their baby and what it will be like. I promise you that it will be everything and nothing like you imagined at the same time.

Whether it is the expectation of baby sleeping through the night or returning to your normal sex life as soon as mom is cleared, the expectation most likely won’t be met.

Baby’s needs must be met first. Let me tell you, they have their own schedule.

And their schedule means no schedule.

At least in the first few weeks of life, the demands of baby will outweigh any plans that you and mom have. You have to allow some flexibility in the beginning of your journey through parenthood. Expectations of baby or your partner are only going to get in the way of fostering a positive experience!

RELATED: No Fluff Newborn Must Haves

Communicate With Each Other

This is one of the most important tips for new dads and moms! There are numerous ways that you can communicate with your partner during this time that are crucial to maintaining the strength of your marriage.

First, make sure to check in with each other constantly. Things can change in the drop of a hat with a newborn. This is even more true when you add postpartum hormones on top of it all.

Both mom and dad are going to have needs and challenges that the other can help with. Staying connected and continuously checking in with one another will ensure that these needs and challenges are addressed!

Second, express your gratitude with any chance you get.

Simply saying thank you to your partner, even for the smallest things, will go a long way in communicating how important they are to you.

With both parents being tired from the continuous care and adjustments that come with baby, allowing time to express how important each of you are to the other is one of the most important ways to strengthen your marriage after baby!

RELATED: 8 Colic Remedies (that actually work!)

Remember Who Came First

Finally, the most important thing that you can do for your partner is to consistently remember who came first. That is, your spouse.

Your spouse was the first love of your life. You loved them long before the introduction of this little being into your lives.

While there is no love quite like the love of a parent, the love in a marriage is just as important.

Even though much of your time is now spent caring for baby, don’t forget that it is still important to make time for one another.

Don’t forget your first love.

Ultimately, there are great changes that come with being a parent. Both motherhood and fatherhood are unlike any other role you will have in life.

The first year of baby’s life can be overwhelming and new parents will often find themselves at a loss not only when it comes to baby’s care, but also their marriage. This is why there are so many tips for new dads and moms for after baby!

Before you know it, it will all be over. That is why it is as important as ever to work on strengthening your marriage so it is still standing in the end.

At one time, it was just the two of you. There will be another time when it is just the two of you.

Make your marriage a priority during this time. By doing so, you will be making your family a priority too.

Author Bio:

Cameryn Vonbargen is a full-time student and stay-at-home mother who runs her blog Multitasking Motherhood. She has her degree in psychology and will soon have a second degree in nursing. She has a passion for writing about mental health, pregnancy, parenting, and marriage to help other moms with experiences similar to her own.

She hopes to add a real take on issues that aren’t talked about openly or deeply enough concerning the roles women assume in the journey to motherhood and marriage.

Visit her at http://www.multitaskingmotherhood.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/902541040178855/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/multitaskingmotherhood/

When my son was born, the first 5 days after were like a sweet dream. We got a couple good sleeps, woke up to blissful sunshine, went for walks and thought- wow, having a second baby is EASY!

WHAT A JOKE.

What a sick joke.

The evening on day 6 was sheer hell. He started screaming right when we were all going to bed at 9pm and didn’t stop till 1am.

We did EVERYTHING we could think of but nothing would stop the horrific screaming of our newborn baby.

It really didn’t help that I was an emotional wreck and had a two year old daughter to contend with.

We thought it would end.

We PRAYED it would end.

And then we got seriously desperate because this went on

EVERY SINGLE NIGHT

for 6 weeks.

WHAT IS COLIC?

Colic is when a baby (between 3 weeks and 3 months) cries, sometimes for hours, no matter what you do. Doctors will diagnose colic when a baby cries for more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week for at least 3 weeks in a row.

WHAT COLIC IS NOT AND WHEN TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR:

if your baby

• has diarrhea
• has poor weight gain
• is vomiting
• is screaming/crying only around feeding
• has signs of allergy
• seems listless and pale

If your baby has colic, my heart goes out to you.

There is a dark place in parenting that people don’t talk about.

A dark place where you have actually considered throwing your baby across the room, a place where you come face to face with things inside yourself that are unspeakable.

The main take away from this is that you come face to face with these things and find out you are strong as hell. They don’t break you, they make you.

We’ve all been there as mothers and fathers, it’s important to know that.

Here are some things you can do if your baby has colic:

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

TRY A PROBIOTIC

Wait, what?!

Yes, probiotics can reduce the amount of crying by 3 hours a day, if you’re lucky. Or at least significantly reduce the crying time, which I still consider lucky.

We were absolutely flabbergasted at using a probiotic. It didn’t completely stop my son’s crying but it did take it down a lot lower than 3 hours.

These are the probiotic drops we used that are recommended for babies. They were developed in Sweden specifically for babies with colic.

TRY SKIN TO SKIN

When things got desperate I would-

• strip myself to pants, no shirt
• strip my baby to only a diaper
• wrap him skin to skin and bounce/sway/rock like my life depended on it

This is the type of wrap I used with all 3 babies in the first couple months of life and have never looked back!

With my 3rd baby, I was gifted a skin to skin shirt specifically for newborns. This may be significantly faster and easier than a wrap but please note that I did not try this with my colicky baby.

 

GO FOR A WALK/DRIVE

It sounds obvious but sometimes you are so deep into the crying and screaming that you forget about doing obvious things (at least, I did).

Throw the baby in a wrap, go outside for a walk or put them in the car and just drive. Turn some music on. You never know what may soothe your sweet baby.

 

AVOID CERTAIN FOODS/DRINKS

These being:

• coffee 
• spicy foods
• alcohol
• dairy- this could potentially be an allergy as opposed to the above mentioned which may just upset your baby’s tummy. Be aware of dairy allergies. 

Eliminate these foods or drinks one at a time to try to figure out if your baby is upset by what you are consuming.

 

WHITE NOISE

If you’re thrifty, turn on a fan or stand next to the dryer when it’s on.

We bought this white noise machine and haven’t looked back because we use it for the older kids in their room now. It helps them stay asleep and sleep longer in the mornings!

TRY A BABY MASSAGE

Start when your baby is quiet but alert, not sleepy. You can massage almost all parts of their body, some areas you may get a better response than others:

• head and face
• chest
• tummy 
• arms
• back
• legs

 

RUN A WARM BATH

After the first baby, we donated the baby bath. I found it easier to run a bath (test the water temperature on your wrist or elbow where the skin is more sensitive) and get right in with my babies.

It makes for great bonding time too!

Being able to gently hold them and swim them through the warm water is a very helpful distraction when they won’t stop crying.

The warm water is very relaxing and you can sing to them while they (hopefully) calm down.

TAKE SWADDLING SERIOUSLY

Babies spend 9 months in extremely tight quarters. They are squished up, warm and used to listening to your heart beat.

Being born is a bit of a rude awakening!

They are pushed out into a much colder atmosphere, have their butts wiped with cold cloths or wipes and are forced into clothes that aren’t nearly as warm or comforting as the womb.

If you think of it like this, no wonder babies get colicky.

Swaddling reduces over stimulation and mimics how the baby would feel in the womb. It also helps them to feel less out of control.

We used these swaddling blankets because they are made of muslin which is breathable and soft on the skin.

TRY THIS TECHNIQUE

KNOW THAT IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT

This is something that is easy for people to say to you but difficult for you to accept as the truth.

You are sleep deprived, stuck in a tunnel with no light visible at the end. You feel like a shit parent, because isn’t this the one thing you are supposed to be able to do- make your baby stop crying?

Babies have their own agenda.

Being born is a pretty crazy business, for all parties involved.

Colic will end.

It really, truly will end.

And when it does, you will be a stronger person for it. Parents aren’t given enough credit for the never ending job we do.

Getting through the day and keeping your kids alive is a FEAT.

Keeping them alive while being screamed at for hours on end (sometimes with another child to contend with) is a galldang MIRACLE.

If you need help in this critical time, try calling the Parents Helpline (1-855-427-2736). They are non-judgmental and there to help you through whatever you are going through.

But I know you got this ❤

Does or did your baby have colic? Let me know if you have any other tried and true remedies in the comments for other parents going through the same thing!

Co-sleeping is somewhat of a taboo in our society. I remember telling people that I co-slept with our baby in bed with us and getting reactions like ‘you’ll never get them out, you don’t want them to become too attached, they’ll never learn to sleep on their own.’ Which I think is slightly absurd. Being attached to your baby is so important, for them and for you. They grow up and they certainly grow out of your bed. So I stopped worrying about it and just soaked up the time I had with my babies in bed with me. If you feel like sleep training is for you, I’m not here to judge. It’s not for me personally! Here are some reasons why co-sleeping is a great way to go…

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

CO SLEEPING WILL STRENGTHEN THE MOTHER/BABY BOND

Being close to your baby and learning to read each others sleeping cues, skin to skin and more chances to breastfeed throughout the night can significantly increase the bond between the two of you. There are studies suggesting that the extra breastfeeding through the night build up more antibodies that help reduce infant illness. Snuggling them through the night, hearing their sweet little sounds and waking up to the cutest baby smiles is priceless. 

THERE’S NO NEED TO FULLY WAKE YOURSELF/THE BABY TO FEED

This is huge! When I brought my first daughter home I just assumed that you got up, picked the baby up and sat in some sort of nursing chair for any night time feeds. This didn’t last long before I realized that nursing side lying without turning lights on and waking both of us up was the absolute BEST. I noticed I was actually getting sleep! With a newborn!

No having to spend x amount of time getting them back to sleep, putting them down like they’re a live bomb and trying to sneak out while praying to the baby sleep gods that they’ll stay asleep.

NO NEED TO GET UP TO CHECK ON THEM- THEY ARE RIGHT BESIDE YOU

Are they breathing? What if they rolled over? What if a blanket covered their face? Oh shit, I better run and check. No more mama. Your brand new, sweet, helpless (oh, so helpless) baby is right next to you. You won’t be waking up like a bolt of lightening hit you wondering any of these things. You’ll be sleeping away and if you do wake up, able to glance down and reassure yourself.

IT GOES AGAINST OUR ANIMAL INSTINCT TO HAVE OUR BABIES AWAY FROM US

I’ve never really understood how it became normal to have your baby sleep away from you, sometimes in a whole separate room. Before the invention of cribs, humans did what all other mammals do with their vulnerable babies- slept with them. Having your baby next to you allows you to do things that are instinctual- kissing your baby while subconsciously gauging their temperature, listening to their breathing and being right next to them and able to help if they become ill.

Being intoxicated, extremely over tired or on medication that can dull your senses are reasons not to co-sleep. In normal circumstances there is no reason you shouldn’t sleep with your baby in bed.

IT’S THAT MUCH MORE TIME BEING CLOSE TO THEM

Having my children sleep with me is one thing I know I won’t regret when they’re older. They are out of your bed so fast anyway, and it’s so special to sleep with your child. Your child will want their own ‘big kid’ bed soon enough, especially if they have siblings they will be room sharing with.

It’s considered normal now for a child to sleep alone, be put into a car seat, moved into a stroller and then into a crib or bassinet for nap times. We need to hold our children and be close to them as much as possible. You will never get that time back with your children and it’s so important. I look at sleeping with them as this extra special time that will be gone. Enjoy co-sleeping while it lasts!

CO-SLEEPING CAN HELP WHEN YOU HIT SLEEP REGRESSION

Although co-sleeping won’t magically solve all of your problems (was I coming across that way?), it can help when you hit the ‘dreaded’ sleep regression. I put dreaded in quotes because even though it SUCKS, your baby is going through some pretty amazing milestones. They might be able to crawl, walk, or even tell you something with words after it’s over, soooo, it is kinda’ awesome.

Being right next to your baby while they are going through a sleep regression is good because a) They might be soothed just by being next to you, able to breastfeed on demand and smell you. b) Even if they are NOT soothed by those things I just mentioned, at least you are close to your bed and can do the crazy things I did to not have to stand there for hours like a zombie (like doing that weird sitting in bed while rocking the baby or sleep sitting up if that’s what soothes them.)

If sleep regression has you literally ready to keel over, Carly over at Mommy on Purpose has some amazing advice on sleep regression I recommend checking out!

YOU DON’T NEED TO BUY A CRIB

This one is kind of a joke, I did buy a crib- for my 3rd baby no less! I started to think maybe I’d try sleep training. It’s been great for storing laundry and miscellaneous baby items! When we got back from the hospital, I looked at my tiny baby, looked at the crib and laughed my head off.

THERE ARE SOME DOWNSIDES…

Not many, but some. It is hard to get out of bed without waking the baby. I’ve found it usually happens in phases. For a while nothing can wake them and then they’ll suddenly be awakened by any movement or sound (or thought) you have while getting up. But it doesn’t last.

Spit up in the beginning is real. If you have your baby in bed, they will spit up and it will get on your sheets. This also doesn’t last too long and to me the extra laundry is worth it! (Update! My baby is now 6 weeks old and the spit up has already gone waaaaayyy down!)

My husband either puts the other kids to bed and sneaks out or he stays with them. This can be hard for spending time/the night together. Make sure the two of you are completely on the same page. My husband and I talk about it often and always express our needs, whether that is spending time together or… time together ?

BE AT PEACE WITH YOUR DECISION

Decide what you want fairly early on. It’s hard to get them out of your bed if they are used to it. That’s what I struggle with sometimes. It’s easy to wish that you had sleep trained them when the going gets rough but please realize that it does not last, there will be ups and downs like all things and this too shall pass. 

Do you co-sleep with your children or are you in the process of deciding? Let me know in the comments!