After Baby

This is a guest post by Cameryn Vonbargen from Multitasking Motherhood. Here she shares her top tips for new dads after baby is born.

Having a baby is one of the most magical experiences a couple will encounter in their lifetime. There is a long list of things new parents must do to prepare for baby before delivery. They can become so busy that they forget to prepare for what life will be like after baby!

It is no surprise that new mothers will shoulder much of the responsibility in caring for baby after they arrive. What does that leave dad to do?

New dads can become jealous of the bond mom and baby develop quickly. Mom has already had months and months to bond with baby by growing him or her during pregnancy! Dad doesn’t have that opportunity to truly connect with baby before delivery.

Dads can also become lost in their new role and the unknown of where they belong in the family now.

It had always been just the two of you.

Now, mom only has time for baby.

Many people think of the postpartum time as being the hardest on mom. While it is no lie that it can be an isolating time for mom, it can be just as much so for dad!

We spend so much time focusing on new moms that we forget we also need to give postpartum tips for new dads!

When new parents don’t realize this, it can take a toll on their marriage! The needs of both mom and dad are pushed to the side because all efforts are placed on caring for the needs of baby.

It can be difficult to remain friends with your spouse in this time and enjoy your journey through parenthood together. Nothing will completely prepare a new parent for life with a newborn. However, there are things both parents can do to not only get through the first year with baby, but to thrive during it!

So, here are 10 tips to help new dads transition into parenthood and keep their marriage strong after baby!

Bottle Feed Baby

Whether you have decided to provide baby with breast milk or formula, dad can still have an active role in feeding baby! If mom finds that she is burnt out or exhausted from caring for baby, prepare a bottle with formula or pumped breast milk and give her a break.

Allowing mom a break will be huge for her! Learning how to be a mom is tiring. She is most likely living her life in 2-3 hour increments before having to feed baby again! This doesn’t even account for the numerous other activities she finds herself doing a day to care for this little one.

Any and all needs that mom has, are out the window.

By helping mom out, you both will enjoy parenting more. Plus, you will get quality time with baby!

By doing this for mom, you are showing her that you care about her and recognize how hard she is working to be the best mom she can be.

RELATED: Breastfeeding Essentials For First Time Moms

Participate In Bath Time

Like above, participating in bath time with baby helps mom out tremendously! It allows her a little bit of time to take a much-deserved break.

My husband typically gets home from work and goes straight to the bathroom to give our son his bath. This gives me enough time to sit down, relax, and eat some dinner before putting baby to bed!

It is one of the only meals that I get to eat by myself. While I love my son dearly, I enjoy every moment of it and I’m highly appreciative that my husband takes this time to help.

RELATED: Why You Shouldn’t Be A SAHM

Adjust Any Expectations

You simply can’t have any expectations about how things will be when baby arrives.

Every parent dreams of the day that they will have their baby and what it will be like. I promise you that it will be everything and nothing like you imagined at the same time.

Whether it is the expectation of baby sleeping through the night or returning to your normal sex life as soon as mom is cleared, the expectation most likely won’t be met.

Baby’s needs must be met first. Let me tell you, they have their own schedule.

And their schedule means no schedule.

At least in the first few weeks of life, the demands of baby will outweigh any plans that you and mom have. You have to allow some flexibility in the beginning of your journey through parenthood. Expectations of baby or your partner are only going to get in the way of fostering a positive experience!

RELATED: No Fluff Newborn Must Haves

Communicate With Each Other

This is one of the most important tips for new dads and moms! There are numerous ways that you can communicate with your partner during this time that are crucial to maintaining the strength of your marriage.

First, make sure to check in with each other constantly. Things can change in the drop of a hat with a newborn. This is even more true when you add postpartum hormones on top of it all.

Both mom and dad are going to have needs and challenges that the other can help with. Staying connected and continuously checking in with one another will ensure that these needs and challenges are addressed!

Second, express your gratitude with any chance you get.

Simply saying thank you to your partner, even for the smallest things, will go a long way in communicating how important they are to you.

With both parents being tired from the continuous care and adjustments that come with baby, allowing time to express how important each of you are to the other is one of the most important ways to strengthen your marriage after baby!

RELATED: 8 Colic Remedies (that actually work!)

Remember Who Came First

Finally, the most important thing that you can do for your partner is to consistently remember who came first. That is, your spouse.

Your spouse was the first love of your life. You loved them long before the introduction of this little being into your lives.

While there is no love quite like the love of a parent, the love in a marriage is just as important.

Even though much of your time is now spent caring for baby, don’t forget that it is still important to make time for one another.

Don’t forget your first love.

Ultimately, there are great changes that come with being a parent. Both motherhood and fatherhood are unlike any other role you will have in life.

The first year of baby’s life can be overwhelming and new parents will often find themselves at a loss not only when it comes to baby’s care, but also their marriage. This is why there are so many tips for new dads and moms for after baby!

Before you know it, it will all be over. That is why it is as important as ever to work on strengthening your marriage so it is still standing in the end.

At one time, it was just the two of you. There will be another time when it is just the two of you.

Make your marriage a priority during this time. By doing so, you will be making your family a priority too.

Author Bio:

Cameryn Vonbargen is a full-time student and stay-at-home mother who runs her blog Multitasking Motherhood. She has her degree in psychology and will soon have a second degree in nursing. She has a passion for writing about mental health, pregnancy, parenting, and marriage to help other moms with experiences similar to her own.

She hopes to add a real take on issues that aren’t talked about openly or deeply enough concerning the roles women assume in the journey to motherhood and marriage.

Visit her at http://www.multitaskingmotherhood.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/902541040178855/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/multitaskingmotherhood/

When my son was born, the first 5 days after were like a sweet dream. We got a couple good sleeps, woke up to blissful sunshine, went for walks and thought- wow, having a second baby is EASY!

WHAT A JOKE.

What a sick joke.

The evening on day 6 was sheer hell. He started screaming right when we were all going to bed at 9pm and didn’t stop till 1am.

We did EVERYTHING we could think of but nothing would stop the horrific screaming of our newborn baby.

It really didn’t help that I was an emotional wreck and had a two year old daughter to contend with.

We thought it would end.

We PRAYED it would end.

And then we got seriously desperate because this went on

EVERY SINGLE NIGHT

for 6 weeks.

WHAT IS COLIC?

Colic is when a baby (between 3 weeks and 3 months) cries, sometimes for hours, no matter what you do. Doctors will diagnose colic when a baby cries for more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week for at least 3 weeks in a row.

WHAT COLIC IS NOT AND WHEN TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR:

if your baby

• has diarrhea
• has poor weight gain
• is vomiting
• is screaming/crying only around feeding
• has signs of allergy
• seems listless and pale

If your baby has colic, my heart goes out to you.

There is a dark place in parenting that people don’t talk about.

A dark place where you have actually considered throwing your baby across the room, a place where you come face to face with things inside yourself that are unspeakable.

The main take away from this is that you come face to face with these things and find out you are strong as hell. They don’t break you, they make you.

We’ve all been there as mothers and fathers, it’s important to know that.

Here are some things you can do if your baby has colic:

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

TRY A PROBIOTIC

Wait, what?!

Yes, probiotics can reduce the amount of crying by 3 hours a day, if you’re lucky. Or at least significantly reduce the crying time, which I still consider lucky.

We were absolutely flabbergasted at using a probiotic. It didn’t completely stop my son’s crying but it did take it down a lot lower than 3 hours.

These are the probiotic drops we used that are recommended for babies. They were developed in Sweden specifically for babies with colic.

TRY SKIN TO SKIN

When things got desperate I would-

• strip myself to pants, no shirt
• strip my baby to only a diaper
• wrap him skin to skin and bounce/sway/rock like my life depended on it

This is the type of wrap I used with all 3 babies in the first couple months of life and have never looked back!

With my 3rd baby, I was gifted a skin to skin shirt specifically for newborns. This may be significantly faster and easier than a wrap but please note that I did not try this with my colicky baby.

GO FOR A WALK/DRIVE

It sounds obvious but sometimes you are so deep into the crying and screaming that you forget about doing obvious things (at least, I did).

Throw the baby in a wrap, go outside for a walk or put them in the car and just drive. Turn some music on. You never know what may soothe your sweet baby.

AVOID CERTAIN FOODS/DRINKS

These being:

• coffee 
• spicy foods
• alcohol
• dairy- this could potentially be an allergy as opposed to the above mentioned which may just upset your baby’s tummy. Be aware of dairy allergies. 

Eliminate these foods or drinks one at a time to try to figure out if your baby is upset by what you are consuming.

WHITE NOISE

If you’re thrifty, turn on a fan or stand next to the dryer when it’s on.

We bought this white noise machine and haven’t looked back because we use it for the older kids in their room now. It helps them stay asleep and sleep longer in the mornings!

TRY A BABY MASSAGE

Start when your baby is quiet but alert, not sleepy. You can massage almost all parts of their body, some areas you may get a better response than others:

• head and face
• chest
• tummy 
• arms
• back
• legs

RUN A WARM BATH

After the first baby, we donated the baby bath. I found it easier to run a bath (test the water temperature on your wrist or elbow where the skin is more sensitive) and get right in with my babies.

It makes for great bonding time too!

Being able to gently hold them and swim them through the warm water is a very helpful distraction when they won’t stop crying.

The warm water is very relaxing and you can sing to them while they (hopefully) calm down.

TAKE SWADDLING SERIOUSLY

Babies spend 9 months in extremely tight quarters. They are squished up, warm and used to listening to your heart beat.

Being born is a bit of a rude awakening!

They are pushed out into a much colder atmosphere, have their butts wiped with cold cloths or wipes and are forced into clothes that aren’t nearly as warm or comforting as the womb.

If you think of it like this, no wonder babies get colicky.

Swaddling reduces over stimulation and mimics how the baby would feel in the womb. It also helps them to feel less out of control.

We used these swaddling blankets because they are made of muslin which is breathable and soft on the skin.

TRY THIS TECHNIQUE

KNOW THAT IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT

This is something that is easy for people to say to you but difficult for you to accept as the truth.

You are sleep deprived, stuck in a tunnel with no light visible at the end. You feel like a shit parent, because isn’t this the one thing you are supposed to be able to do- make your baby stop crying?

Babies have their own agenda.

Being born is a pretty crazy business, for all parties involved.

Colic will end.

It really, truly will end.

And when it does, you will be a stronger person for it. Parents aren’t given enough credit for the never ending job we do.

Getting through the day and keeping your kids alive is a FEAT.

Keeping them alive while being screamed at for hours on end (sometimes with another child to contend with) is a galldang MIRACLE.

If you need help in this critical time, try calling the Parents Helpline (1-855-427-2736). They are non-judgmental and there to help you through whatever you are going through.

But I know you got this ❤

Does or did your baby have colic? Let me know if you have any other tried and true remedies in the comments for other parents going through the same thing!

Co-sleeping is somewhat of a taboo in our society. I remember telling people that I co-slept with our baby in bed with us and getting reactions like ‘you’ll never get them out, you don’t want them to become too attached, they’ll never learn to sleep on their own.’ Which I think is slightly absurd. Being attached to your baby is so important, for them and for you. They grow up and they certainly grow out of your bed. So I stopped worrying about it and just soaked up the time I had with my babies in bed with me. If you feel like sleep training is for you, I’m not here to judge. It’s not for me personally! Here are some reasons why co-sleeping is a great way to go…

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my disclosure at the bottom of the page.

CO SLEEPING WILL STRENGTHEN THE MOTHER/BABY BOND

Being close to your baby and learning to read each others sleeping cues, skin to skin and more chances to breastfeed throughout the night can significantly increase the bond between the two of you. There are studies suggesting that the extra breastfeeding through the night build up more antibodies that help reduce infant illness. Snuggling them through the night, hearing their sweet little sounds and waking up to the cutest baby smiles is priceless. 

THERE’S NO NEED TO FULLY WAKE YOURSELF/THE BABY TO FEED

This is huge! When I brought my first daughter home I just assumed that you got up, picked the baby up and sat in some sort of nursing chair for any night time feeds. This didn’t last long before I realized that nursing side lying without turning lights on and waking both of us up was the absolute BEST. I noticed I was actually getting sleep! With a newborn!

No having to spend x amount of time getting them back to sleep, putting them down like they’re a live bomb and trying to sneak out while praying to the baby sleep gods that they’ll stay asleep.

NO NEED TO GET UP TO CHECK ON THEM- THEY ARE RIGHT BESIDE YOU

Are they breathing? What if they rolled over? What if a blanket covered their face? Oh shit, I better run and check. No more mama. Your brand new, sweet, helpless (oh, so helpless) baby is right next to you. You won’t be waking up like a bolt of lightening hit you wondering any of these things. You’ll be sleeping away and if you do wake up, able to glance down and reassure yourself.

IT GOES AGAINST OUR ANIMAL INSTINCT TO HAVE OUR BABIES AWAY FROM US

I’ve never really understood how it became normal to have your baby sleep away from you, sometimes in a whole separate room. Before the invention of cribs, humans did what all other mammals do with their vulnerable babies- slept with them. Having your baby next to you allows you to do things that are instinctual- kissing your baby while subconsciously gauging their temperature, listening to their breathing and being right next to them and able to help if they become ill.

Being intoxicated, extremely over tired or on medication that can dull your senses are reasons not to co-sleep. In normal circumstances there is no reason you shouldn’t sleep with your baby in bed.

IT’S THAT MUCH MORE TIME BEING CLOSE TO THEM

Having my children sleep with me is one thing I know I won’t regret when they’re older. They are out of your bed so fast anyway, and it’s so special to sleep with your child. Your child will want their own ‘big kid’ bed soon enough, especially if they have siblings they will be room sharing with.

It’s considered normal now for a child to sleep alone, be put into a car seat, moved into a stroller and then into a crib or bassinet for nap times. We need to hold our children and be close to them as much as possible. You will never get that time back with your children and it’s so important. I look at sleeping with them as this extra special time that will be gone. Enjoy co-sleeping while it lasts!

CO-SLEEPING CAN HELP WHEN YOU HIT SLEEP REGRESSION

Although co-sleeping won’t magically solve all of your problems (was I coming across that way?), it can help when you hit the ‘dreaded’ sleep regression. I put dreaded in quotes because even though it SUCKS, your baby is going through some pretty amazing milestones. They might be able to crawl, walk, or even tell you something with words after it’s over, soooo, it is kinda’ awesome.

Being right next to your baby while they are going through a sleep regression is good because a) They might be soothed just by being next to you, able to breastfeed on demand and smell you. b) Even if they are NOT soothed by those things I just mentioned, at least you are close to your bed and can do the crazy things I did to not have to stand there for hours like a zombie (like doing that weird sitting in bed while rocking the baby or sleep sitting up if that’s what soothes them.)

If sleep regression has you literally ready to keel over, Carly over at Mommy on Purpose has some amazing advice on sleep regression I recommend checking out!

YOU DON’T NEED TO BUY A CRIB

This one is kind of a joke, I did buy a crib- for my 3rd baby no less! I started to think maybe I’d try sleep training. It’s been great for storing laundry and miscellaneous baby items! When we got back from the hospital, I looked at my tiny baby, looked at the crib and laughed my head off.

THERE ARE SOME DOWNSIDES…

Not many, but some. It is hard to get out of bed without waking the baby. I’ve found it usually happens in phases. For a while nothing can wake them and then they’ll suddenly be awakened by any movement or sound (or thought) you have while getting up. But it doesn’t last.

Spit up in the beginning is real. If you have your baby in bed, they will spit up and it will get on your sheets. This also doesn’t last too long and to me the extra laundry is worth it! (Update! My baby is now 6 weeks old and the spit up has already gone waaaaayyy down!)

My husband either puts the other kids to bed and sneaks out or he stays with them. This can be hard for spending time/the night together. Make sure the two of you are completely on the same page. My husband and I talk about it often and always express our needs, whether that is spending time together or… time together ?

BE AT PEACE WITH YOUR DECISION

Decide what you want fairly early on. It’s hard to get them out of your bed if they are used to it. That’s what I struggle with sometimes. It’s easy to wish that you had sleep trained them when the going gets rough but please realize that it does not last, there will be ups and downs like all things and this too shall pass. 

Do you co-sleep with your children or are you in the process of deciding? Let me know in the comments!